RETURN TO THE MASCULINE INSTINCTS

Harmonia is the goddess of harmony and concord, and her sister is Eris, the goddess of discord, who actually got the three original goddesses to feud over the attention of Paris - Aphrodite, Hera and Athena. Her brother is Eros, the god of love, and her parents are the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, and the God of War, Ares. We can see already that the Harmonia Instinct in women is the desire to find order and social harmony, and that this is a "sibling" of love itself, and is what is "born" of the romance created between masculinity (Ares) and femininity (Aphrodite.) It is the feminine instinct to solve problems, through pure love and harmony.

If only it were that simple. The Harmonia Instinct is also one of wisdom - that the way the world works cannot possibly always maintain harmony, but that it must instead be fought for. And no better a place to see this behavioral effect happen than in the tale of the marriage of Harmonia. That one must be on guard for disharmony and not be seduced into thinking that it is always to last.

Harmonia is known to have been given a fatal necklace she received on her wedding day. When the government of was given over to King Cadmus by Athena, the patron goddess of Athens, Zeus gave him Harmonia. King Cadmus presented the bride with a robe and necklace, however, this necklace, commonly referred to as the Necklace of Harmonia, brought misfortune to all who possessed it.

Numerous gods and goddesses would come into possession of this necklace, and every one of them would succumb to some tragic event. The necklace had brought mischief to all who had been in possession of it. And so whether we are seeing a woman make progress in the workplace, or the decidedly chaotic and at times, fragile state of marriage between such different creatures - one masculine, one feminine - the Harmonia Instinct reminds us that this is the pride and vitality that come from a woman wise enough to know that she must always be monitoring her happiness, even in marriage, and constantly make corrections to keep things happy for herself, and for those that she loves.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS

Helen was known as the most beautiful woman in the world, and she played upon that power of the physical appearance to turn the ancient world, upside down with what amounted to a war for possession of her. This is perhaps the ultimate statement of independence, and something behind the Helen Instinct for women's use - how to be both physical and not "possessed" by others, and the unique dynamics of the unconscious, when a woman unwittingly or wittingly causes men to take up arms against each other, for her affections.

The evolutionary psychologists speak to the different reproductive strategies seen the very different number of gametes that men and women have. That when women unconsciously, instinctually see men fighting each other to "win" her - a veritable war on a small scale - they also see that in subtle ways this benefits them. They get "the better man" and the "winner," and they get access to and command over the resources of a multitude of men, simultaneously, not just those of one.

This Helen Instinct can be a principle applied to various areas of life. Known to Sun Tzu, in The Art of War, pitting one's enemies against each other is a superior strategy to gain advantage in a war. But men are most certainly not "the enemy."  They are competitors with each other, and with the woman, for the best romance and the best life they can achieve. However, the efficiency and power of letting others sort out their social standing, and all for the benefit of elevating the woman's own status above that of everyone else, this is highly useful to a woman in career, love, and life.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS

All good things in life come with effort, and the man’s satisfaction and boost of masculinity he feels comes in part by way of yet another Greek god-based instinct in him: the Hephaestus Instinct – god of “a job well done,” or “honest work,” or the “blue collar work ethic”, which drives the male need for “meaningful work.” (Hephaestus was the actual husband of Aphrodite, on whom she cheated with Ares.) He is the male instinct for working hard, but also outrage at being cheated upon while working hard.

Which of course opens up whole worlds of discussion about today’s marital relations and division of shared labor in the married household as it pertains to infidelity and frequency of sex - as there is less sex in the marriage in proportion to the amount of chores around the house a man does. Yep, the research shows this, not just mens’ opinions.

Hephaestus was in a bad marriage with Aphrodite, like a hard-working, financially solid guy with a beautiful, but conniving wife. She eventually cheats on him with Ares, the god of war.

Helius, the Sun God, able to see everything by day, and witnessed Aphrodite taking her lover in her bed, while Hephaestus was absent.  So, he told everything to Hephaestus.

Hephaestus decided to take revenge on the cheaters. Thus using his wit and his blacksmithing skills to the gods, he created an unbreakable net and trapped the cheaters while they were in bed. He wanted the other gods to witness the disgraced pair, but only the gods appeared, while the goddesses stayed in Olympus.

The feeling of being alive in Hephaestus Instinct comes, in a sense, from "pride in honesty," and also social justice. The symbolism of the sun god in the story, is that Hephaestus operates by truth.  And so he is "pride in honesty" for a man.

RETURN TO THE MASCULINE INSTINCTS

The Hera Instinct is at the foundation of the skills of "mothering" others, but far more, as well. It is the feminine instinct that governs every adult feminine task - that of mothering, yes, but also of being a spouse, being a leader and administrator, a property owner, a financier, and a woman participating in the community life or government. As such, she has multiple interests and tasks that she does to build a life.

While she is the wife of Zeus, she is also an independent, co-administrator of Mt Olympus with him. This instinct is obviously, highly useful to women in their general personal growth and ambitions, and also for our purposes in Romantic Dynamics, takes a part in romance, partnership, and early on, in Step 2 of Sexual Attraction, which we have called, "Ladies and Gentlemen." It is in that second step of desire, as a couple are first getting together, that the man lets the woman know "he likes her" and the woman lets the man know "she likes him."

The way that this plays out is in the form of demonstrating the advantages of being with the other, by way of treating each other in a caring, preferential, "fatherly" and "motherly" way - giving comfort and compliments, admiration, swooning as a parent might do toward their child, offering assistance of some kind, and in the case of the woman's turn to further trigger passions in the man - to elevate him in rank among other men, to make him feel important or to have superior resources, and to establish "territory," which is similar to letting him know that he is preferred over other men, and his possessions respected.

We pull this instinctual information not just from the wealth of psychology literature coming out in recent years (such as about the detrimental effect on a marriage of shared chores, or strife over them), but from the source literature of myth - the Temptation of Paris, itself. The story in which the three goddesses, Aphrodite, Hera and Athena each offer Paris of Troy their best instinctual features: that of Athena being "to win every battle," that of Hera being, "dominion over all the earth," and that of Aphrodite, the one Paris did choose as best, "the hand of Helen, the most beautiful mortal in the world," and the "face that launched a thousand ships."

We learn that Hera's offering should not go ignored. While Aphrodite's offering inspires Step 1 of Sexual Attraction, the very first, Hera's forms Step 2 - making a man feel what decades ago was referred to as "feeling like a million bucks," and giving rise to such sayings as "a man's home is his castle." To trigger Step 2 of Sexual Attraction, a woman need only make a man feel special and preferred, which is what mothers do toward young sons. He will then return, in kind, some sort of fatherly gesture.

This interchange shows both partners what the comforts of being together longer term might look like, and also demonstrates the nature of how they might treat each other's children someday.

For the other areas of a woman's life, and personal growth, there are so many stories of Hera in the Greek literature that we can't even begin to detail them here. Every manner of interaction with other women, with "coworkers," with those lower in administration that the woman-leader, relations with male colleagues and other male administrators, every nuance of the feminine instincts are covered in stories of this goddess.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS

Hercules is the story of the "honorable loser," one who is willing to gracefully lose a battle in order to win a war. In effect, his deification results from the valor in fighting battles, and submission to die on a funeral pyre, thus, becoming a god.  It is a man's ability to sacrifice for a greater cause, to lose gracefully and not as a "sore loser," only then to see the rewards of a full, healthy pride in having done one's masculine duty. It is similar to the honor in "the captain going down with the ship," which may be difficult for many to understand the instincts within. Only men who have been through a great sacrifice know the honor and value of so doing. It is receiving the Purple Heart, and being a returning veteran.

Hercules is known for his many adventures, which took him to the far reaches of the ancient world. One version of these is written as the "Twelve Labors", but the list has variations. One order of the labors is below:

1. Slay the Nemean Lion.
2. Slay the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra.
3. Capture the Golden Hind of Artemis.
4. Capture the Erymanthian Boar.
5. Clean the Augean stables in a single day.
6. Slay the Stymphalian Birds.
7. Capture the Cretan Bull.
8. Steal the Mares of Diomedes.
9. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.
10. Obtain the cattle of the monster Geryon.
11. Steal the apples of the Hesperides.
12. Capture and bring back Cerberus.

Hercules' return from the underworld represents his ability to overcome earthly desires and vices, or the earth itself as a consumer of bodies. In medieval mythography, Hercules was one of the heroes seen as a strong role model who demonstrated both valor and wisdom, while the monsters he battles were regarded as moral obstacles. When Hercules became a constellation, he showed that strength was necessary to gain entrance to Heaven.

Once, when Hercules was trying to take his bride home, he had to cross a river, where Nessus, a centaur, was the ferryman. He rowed Hercules across and then, in rowing Deianeira across, he tried to rape her.

Hercules used his poisoned arrows to shoot the centaur dead. Before he died, the centaur gave Deianeira some of his blood - now tainted with poison - to use on her husband as a love potion if he were ever to stray.

Years later, Deianeira became concerned about Hercules' overtures toward another woman, his ex-wife, Iole. She then used some of the old centaur blood on a shirt and gave it to Hercules, thinking it would keep him faithful to her.

The blood was not a love potion, but a poison originating from Hercules' own arrows.

When Hercules put on the shirt, it scalded his skin. The burning would have killed an ordinary man, but Hercules was not one.  He built a funeral pyre, climbed upon it, and eventually persuaded Philoctetes to light it. He was then allowed to die and be with the gods, a constellation. Philoctetes was given Hercules' poison arrows and protected all his days by the god.

RETURN TO THE MASCULINE INSTINCTS

His nature has been called, “mercurial,” when a man is fickle, flighty, changing to and fro often, and hard to pin down or “label.” Much like the liquid metal that is his namesake, the Roman god, Mercury – known as Hermes to the Greeks – was the god of speed, the messenger to the gods of Mt Olympus, and quite the trickster.

This masculine instinct inspired by Hermes is the perfect nature for men to have at Step One of Sexual Attraction – to change in conversation quickly, to never be pinned down to a label or identity, to be playful and humorous, of a trickster’s mentality (because after all, in first meeting, we are still strangers, and it is just one big, enjoyable, challenging game that men and women play when they first meet.)

Hermes was the god of speed and cunning, transitions and boundaries – he moved between the world of the living and the divine, and was among only a handful of gods who were allowed to do so (another being Eros, or Cupid.) If we were going to delve into what the secret strategy was in Hermes for accomplishing all that he was in charge of in the ancient world, and apply that to men’s mysteriousness in attracting women, it’s all there, readily apparent to us.

Hermes was tasked with delivering messages between the gods and humans, and among each other. Today’s man learning Romantic Dynamics has some goals and drives too – he must be mysterious, but also friendly, a little bit dangerous, but also welcoming and positive - the tinge of danger, yet be reliable and honest.

This is a man with the ability to communicate well, yet is difficult to label or pin down to a simple description. He feels passion and vitality in the role of communicating to people, and in "networking," meeting people, joining them together, and and having the adventure of new social experiences.

RETURN TO THE MASCULINE INSTINCTS

Hestia was the goddess whom, to the ancient Greek citizenry was paid such respect, that she is the first paid homage at every meal, before any other god. She was the sister of Zeus, himself, and when she approached him to tell of her wish to be of eternal service to Mt Olympus, even forsaking marriage to do so, her brother was touched. He soon made her the chief administrator of all processes and resources of the home of the gods. The Hestia Instinct is then, the "sister instinct" that draws vitality and passion from connecting with other women on a journey or for a cause.

She was the hub of activity, the ultimate manager, confidante, and police officer of heaven, to the point that not any other deity could check out their weapons or tools without first approaching her for permission.

If there is any doubt in your mind what is deep in the psychology of the rise of women to economic and occupational power today, it very well may be the instinct of Hestia in them - sisterhood, organization, and working as one for the common good. Within the past several years, women for the first time in United States history outnumbered men in the workforce. Maybe you have noticed your workplace filled with more women than in any decade past, the workings of the corporation humming with their planning, and efficiency, with the perfect allocation of resources in fairness in most cases.

This is Hestia, (or the Roman, Vesta) the goddess of friendship among women, bonds of sisterhood like those of Bluebeard’s sister-in-law or Psyche’s sisters - whose opinions have the power to plumb the depths of his inner intentions, then to make or break the man’s reputation, his public identity, and his livelihood therein. Part of being a gentleman is knowing how to either please the Hestia Instinct in women, or to deal with it appropriately, and with mutually respectful boundaries.

To women, Hestia is the salve of sisterhood on the wounds of a breakup, or of infidelity, an eternal spring of femininity to tap into, and to give generously to, and the real spirit of modern feminism.

The Hestia Instinct might be seen in Step 2 of Sexual Attraction, when the needs and connection with a woman's female friends need to be reconciled with the needs and connection to a new romantic interest. He must respect the friends, or risk losing the relationship, and her honesty and loyalty to the needs of the community were what caused her to rise up to chief administrator under Zeus and Hera on Mt Olympus.

An important feature of early romance is for the two partners to remember that when possible, all the features of one's femininity or masculinity must be stoked, if possible, for maximum masculinity, femininity, or passion in the partner. Which amplifies their shared passion, and the vitality they will draw from the relationship. A woman needs to make use of her friendships and have the man respect and support them.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS

The "software" of the conscious mind, including the executive functions, beliefs, preferences, and in general, is about character maturity.

Its operations have directives, integrated with the five senses, geared toward decoding the world around us, finding the way to goals that we want to accomplish, the higher brain has a sense of linguistics and story to it, which helps us reliably predict future probable outcomes for decisions that we make today.

The higher brain might then be said to house our "personal growth," and in more psychological terms, our character maturity, which as core, prominent functions, include that of Observing Ego, the only learned human personal growth skill which helps us tolerate change and growth, avoiding regrets.

The higher brain also has the other most prominent and sensitive feature of one's character maturity, in the form of personal boundary function.

In Romantic Dynamics, we envision two types of boundary which demarcate the reptilian brain versus the mammalian brain, versus the higher brain, with the personal boundary mediating interactions with the outside world, its stresses and goals of rewards we seek, but an "inner" ego boundary, which demarcates the border between the unconscious and the "preconscious" or conscious minds. As such, the workings of these two kinds of boundaries are central to the explanation of what is actually happening in the ego defenses or defense mechanisms, which help us gauge maturity level.

These intellectual features help us attract the opposite sex by way of our intellect and character, our charm, sophistication and potential partnership aspects that others may pick up on. Emphasis is less about the body and more about words, intentions, tendencies and reliability and loyalty of behavior.

In the field of Evolutionary Psychology, the model called the "Triune Brain Model" has the higher brain as one of the three, interdependent areas of the mind.  These are the Reptilian Brain and the Mammalian Brain.

Beliefs are first and foremost, private and personal, and so the communication of beliefs is quite honest. When you convey your ideas honestly, you include the data, but also the heart-felt emotion associated, and are taking a bit of a risk with the audience in so doing. This makes honesty a virtue, because you are being constructive and win/win in offering your ideas to others, some of which may be beneficial to them, and to you. But in choosing the wrong audience or wrong composition of the audience for your message, you may be misunderstood, or worse, unfairly criticized or attacked by them for your ideas.

Communication can be looked at in various ways. Simply put, it is an expression of ideas that also likely carry emotional energy as well. This makes them similar to beliefs, which have the same structure, but the difference is that beliefs are contained within us, sometimes unconsciously, until expressed to others in communication.

What makes honesty unique as a character virtue, is that it illuminates something that you think is important, which others may think the same of. Consider it as only affecting certain others and not others who may or may not take well to the impression, because various factors. In this sense, it needs the intuition and conscience of solid, mature decision-making in selecting the right audience for the message, and also needs the Observing Ego necessary to match their needs and receptiveness. This makes sense, because any virtue has constructive, non-narcissistic aspects, and both mature decision-making balanced in conscience and intuition, as well as Observing Ego, the mature psychological feature.

From Aristotle's Golden Mean, we learn that every virtue also has two vices. In the case of honesty, the vice of excess is having Transparency at best, and Bluntness at worst, which describes an over-estimation of the ability of others to digest and positively use the information in the honesty. Such sayings as, "You can't handle the truth," come to mind. On the other hand, the vice of deficit in honesty can be called, "Chicanery," which is a "dumbing down of communication for the purpose of gaining advantage over others."

We might then often see a couple have a falling out, because there was a lack of trust between the partners. This is given rise by either the experience of having intuition of their own. They pick up on a discomfort in themselves at being given too much access to your private experiences ("Too much information - TMI - comes to mind.) Alternatively their intuition you underestimated senses that something is "wrong" in your communication in terms of your ethics, that you have a chicanerous, alterior motive in your communication, and their "bullshit detector" is picking up on something not trustworthy and honest about you.

Honesty has bearing on our performance in phase three - intellectual attraction - step eight, where we seek to amplify the best virtues toward our goals.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

Honor is a combination of the skill of curiosity with the trait of beliefs. Curiosity, you may remember, is largely composed of the core psychological skill of Observing Ego, paired with an educated eye, full of "left brain" ability for detail, history, and organization. Beliefs, you may recall, pertain to ideas that we deem to be true and valid, and yet carry such a large degree of emotion in them, that they are valued by us, and become such a part of our decision-making strategies, that they are far more than just ideas. We think of them as "truths" in part, because they also emerge as a function of our very identity. Honor has bearing on our performance in phase three - intellectual attraction - step eight, where we seek to amplify the best virtues toward our goals.

There is a psychiatric phrase for describing two people who operate outside of “reality” - which is to say that they “make each other psychotic” by way of encouraging irrational beliefs in each other. It’s called, “Folie a Deux,” which translates to something like “foolishness for two.”

Our beliefs, as we have said, are our “worldview” or sense of “reality.” When a couple gets together and are very agreeable to most of what their partner says, we find that they may end up giving each other erroneous feedback about the world around them. It is inaccurate “reality testing,” which leaves them more confused in being together than in being alone and single. This is the intellectual experience of “codependence,” in which the couple lives on a sort of socially isolated island unto themselves. Forced to "have the same beliefs" without ever really examining them, based on the actual results of the past.

Many a couple in a more codependent mode will feel  this way - in this “psychosis for two.” One is put upon by the other partner, intimidated into agreement with most of what they say. Some people even make this “distasteful agreeableness,” the measure of relationship success: “We never fight. We never disagree. We are always in harmony.” Which is in and of itself, awful boundaries.

They make the relationship an intellectual prison of their own building, the blocks that form the walls made of the absence of curiosity, and the mortar between them made of prejudice and ignorance. They are blind to seeing their constant agreement as the real impediment to love lasting for a lifetime, because the soul of all people will eventually declare itself as existent, one’s own world, and secondly, unique, even in the arms of another. Their “distasteful agreeableness” is a powder keg which will most assuredly explode someday, probably when they would have been better served to have a strong partnership in the face of an obstacle.

We need to remember that like any virtuous psychological trait that falls on the Golden Mean, there is also a correseponding set of two vices - one of excess, which is Nostalgia, and one of deficit, which is the state of being Unsentimental. Instead of agreeing with everything the other says, they both need to have the honor to help each other correct their own, faulty beliefs, through a sense of curiosity about the results of the past, not hostility or resentfulness about it.

In this way, they may naturally counter the "Pollyanna" effect of Nostalgia - whitewashing the past, to pretend that everything has always been all nice and perfect, and causing them to miss the crucial lessons of failure (how can we improve as a couple in the future if we never objectively look at the past, honorably, and to honorably correct it in a spirit of kindness.) This move also works on the overly, exceedingly optimistic belief systems of both partners.

Likewise, if we don't counter what is utterly unsentimental, and essentially pessimistic about one or both partners, by honoring the truth of the past, that it really wasn't all bad, and to see even those failures as a chance to balance out into more optimism than pessimism about it all. To use boundary doors on the couple's history, to honorably look at and correct the failures of the past, but also to honor the successes as a foundation on which to build.

When thinking of using this character virtue in yourself, or seeing it in others, you need to remember that it is just as easy to find someone so nostalgic, that they don't get anything productive done, in themselves, or in service of the relationship. You can see how directly it is, that curiosity operating on our beliefs as a couple, to keep them balanced between too much optimism versus too much pessimism, really is honoring the other person, and our individual and shared, "pasts." It is in this curious, fair, kind way that we prevent each other from being "revisionists" who "twist the past" in arguments, into what it really wasn't, so that we can have an honestly successful joint future.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

Hope and Faith - both can be used for good or bad or from either optimism or delusion. Where both lead to free willed decisions: they are the mirror reflection inside the boundary of the equal statistical potential of the random good and bad outside the boundary of what can either hurt or help us.

So it must come down to assessing stats of what’s coming our way using intuition but because it’s not an action (it’s a thought that requests the world provide us something and do the action we need but can’t do) then it doesn’t need outer- directed conscience or ethics.

So it must in its best use be a kind of conscientiousness toward ourselves, an optimizing of our own function in times when we can’t act to solve something. A kind of self-soothing with a good intention such that we live to fight another day. 

When we have boundary with no holes we don’t need faith or hope. The faith and hope is in the boundary and we are solid and certain we are safe.

However it might be the “planning phase” of fixing a boundary hole, a place of vulnerability and therefore helpless actionlessness where we need protection at least mentally and it’s a guide to eventual action when conditions are right and resources available.

We’d better then act when we get the chance.

Then the hole is repaired when we say NO to something and take new action in new directions.

It was the hope or faith that helped us warm up then save ourselves.

Now we believe in ourselves and can have faith in our own competence, beneficence and skill and feel more secure and contributory to the world.

Hubris in being ambitious is a vice of excess related to the corresponding virtue of Aspiration. It is a kind of Aspiration on steroids, to the point of ignoring the needs of a partner, and also their potential, highly useful or even crucial contributions to a goal.

Marriage and commitment have a way of forcing us to reconsider our long-held goals, sometimes to align them better to the needs of a partner, but sometimes to a fault, forsaking them for the wrong person.

From Aristotle's Golden Mean, we learn that every Virtue such as this also has two Vices. In the case of aspiration, the vice of excess is ambition that has Hubris, and the deficit is one of Faineance, or the "mental laziness" of just wondering around aimlessly with no goals, no curiosity of true interest in actually reaching a goal, like "wishful thinking" without intention. Hubris of course is filled with pathological narcissism causing relationships to fail by doing harm to the other partner, and Faineance carries a passive narcissism that harms the life of the partner who has it, and therefore harms the relationship indirectly, by non-contribution.

Many couples have fallen apart in partnership and intellectual attraction, simply because one or the other partner did not have aspirations.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

While nobody is perfect, and nobody has a flawless record in their relationships, it is all the more important to imagine being with a partner who has a humble rather than aggrandized self-opinion. If it is success at our goals that we seek, but we find ourselves with a partner (or being the partner) who has an expanded sense of self, that will prove more costly to us both to maintain and feed with the limited resources we have.

Humility is two-directional. It is neither inflated self-respect to the point of arrogance, nor is it self-derogatory in any sense. The avoidance of viewing yourself as either too high or too low in self-opinion is again, a good-boundary trait; for it recognizes the very edge of the boundary - what we control from what we do not. One then does not view themselves too high in their esteem (the boundary shows they just how much a “big deal” they really are. Nor does it let them depict themselves in an exaggerated, demeaning way either.

Few people know this about humility, that it is neither too high nor too low in self-opinion. Someone with humility will find that they carry with them, many other traits of a solid boundary, because they will have demonstrated their understanding of where their territory ends and that of another person, begins.

Humility in many ways is the opposite of the classic traits of narcissism, where one has arrogance, a potentially inflated sense of self, and is therefore both a true defense against one’s own narcissism, as well as against that of others.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

It was said that the German Philosopher and writer, Goethe, had three rules to follow in throwing a dinner party, something he loved to do often in his intellectual salons that he would put on.

The first was the necessity of joining together based on the events that had happened to the individuals invited that day.

The second is the need to unite his guests over topics from current events, or the larger, philosophical issues which affect us all.

Since these salon discussions were often serious and weighty, Goethe insisted on events ending only with humor, so that one would wish to come again, and often.

Overt expression of ideas and feelings (especially those that are unpleasant to focus on or too terrible to talk about directly) that gives pleasure to others. The thoughts retain a portion of their innate distress, but they are "skirted around" by witticism, for example self-deprecation.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

One of the two types of negative emotional energies (stress), that come at us from outside our personal boundary. The other is called, "loss."

The first line of defense against this negative energy and a force of unhappiness, is the personal boundary itself, trying to block the stress.

Hurt may be emotional, such as the negative, destructive comments of a bully, or it may be physical, such as a bee sting.

If hurt gets into us, it negates an exactly equal amount of well-being - the feeling of having our needs met in a maternal, motherly way.  The void left by the absence of well-being, especially if the amount of hurt is greater than our amount of well-being, is called, "anger," which can metabolize as sadness and depression, aggression, or their derivatives, revenge, jealousy, or hatred.

This social habit shows us how the more mature in defenses we get, the more subconscious or conscious they become as opposed to the pure, automatic unconscious. You may see how this one is similar to somatization or conversion, and yet the person experiencing it is also aware that they are spending time in thinking about illnesses that they may or may not have. Call it the “medical student Syndrome,” where every illness you learn about, leads to an excessive preoccupation or worry about actually having it.

GO BACK TO NEUROTIC DEFENSE MECHANISMS.