Character Compatibility is a different harmony between partners than an alignment of personality styles, or of polarity of masculinity and femininity. It goes far beyond shared interests, to be sure.  Since Phase 3 of Courtship - Teamwork, Partnership, and Commitment - are about aligning to be a successful team at getting to joint goals in intellectual attraction. Then the compatibility we are talking about must be about a joint encouragement [Read more...] about Partnership

Normally a vague descriptor of excitement or vitality, in Romantic Dynamics, this word is very specific to referring to the instincts, unconscious, automatic behaviors related to survival ("life and death" issues) on the one hand, and excitement, vitality, charisma, ecstasy and joy on the other end of a spectrum of "feeling alive."

In terms of the ideas of Darwin and Freud, the concept that unconscious, instinctual behaviors tend to [Read more...] about Passion

Oh, you know this one well. So well. You have been it, done it, and experienced it countless times.  It is aggression towards others expressed indirectly or passively, often through procrastination or some other seemingly non-aggressive but destructive act.

You did your best to make her happy with the move to your new apartment, and you hope that the fact she wants to live in a completely different city is [Read more...] about Passive-aggressiveness

In the Romantic Dynamics model, "pathological narcissism" is an important feature of our psychology which can shoot down nearly any aspect of romance, and ruin the progress in any of the three phases of courtship. We borrow from the Self Psychologists, and Psychodynamic theorists to understand it, but also add some principles of the Game Theory of Economics, most notably, the Nash Equilibrium, to understand it.

The easiest way to [Read more...] about Pathological Narcissism

A mature defense mechanism that incorporates the use of one's Observing Ego and their Personal Boundary, and involves tolerance of waiting for opportunity, for the right time to do certain behaviors, and as a result, blocking the internal, unconscious drives and instincts - Freud's "Id" - which operate with impatience and immediacy.

We have said that patience may be a feature of the “inner boundary” we have been learning about - the “Ego Boundary” as I have called it - that which blocks or allows material from the unconscious instincts and drives to enter the conscious mind (whether or not having done that, your “outer boundary,” the Personal Boundary allows the impulse to be publicly expressed is a second matter.

This patience [Read more...] about Patience

Pedantry is the vice of excess associated with the virtue of Scholarliness. we may be on the lookout for signs of frequent “pedantry” or “bombast” - for example, the frequent citing of one’s own education as the force of an argument rather than looking at the facts in the case of pedantry in an admittedly, highly educated person. For bombast, we may see a reliance on emotional [Read more...] about Pedantry

Penthesilea represents the instinct of the feminine "underdog." It is the passion that comes to a woman who "fights to the end," and finds that even if she loses an endeavor, she draws life and vitality from the attempt at fighting for what's right.

Penthesilea was an Amazonian queen in Greek mythology, the daughter of Ares and Otrera and the sister of Hippolyta. Penthesilea accidentally killed Hippolyta with a spear when [Read more...] about Penthesilea Instinct

Persephone is the daughter of Zeus and the harvest goddess Demeter and is the queen of the underworld. Homer describes her as the formidable, venerable majestic princess of the underworld, who carries into effect the curses of men upon the souls of the dead. Persephone was married to Hades, the god-king of the underworld. The myth of her abduction represents her function as the personification of vegetation, which shoots forth in [Read more...] about Persephone Instinct

Perseus was the son of Zeus and Danaë, the daughter of Acrisius, King of Argos. Acrisius was met with an oracle who warned him that he would one day be killed by his daughter's son. In order to keep Danaë childless, Acrisius imprisoned her in a bronze chamber, open to the sky, in the courtyard of his palace. Zeus came to her in the form of a shower of gold, [Read more...] about Perseus Instinct

The outer "wall" of the psyche, which acts as a shield against emotional harm, and to the best it can, to psychological trauma, the boundary is a filter that blocks stress out but allows opportunity to get in, a gate that facilitates or blocks communication, interaction and other behavior, and a container of one's psychological resources.

It contains three main, anatomical parts: holes, walls and doors.

Walking Though the Anatomy [Read more...] about Personal Boundary

A characteristic style of communication, resources, skills and overall identity, which exists on a spectrum from immature and "imbalanced" to mature and "well-balanced," which on the immature end, relies heavily on the inborn tendencies called, "temperament," roots in one of the four styles of temperament. On the mature end of the spectrum, the person seems well-rounded and likely has a leadership position or training.

Those with an immature personality tend [Read more...] about Personality

RETURN TO COURTSHIP

RETURN TO COURTSHIP

RETURN TO COURTSHIP

Philoctetes gained the favor of the god, Heracles, for helping light the then, mortal's funeral pyre, and was given Heracles' bow and poisoned arrows. He was the "wounded warrior," symbolizing the "traumatized man," and recovers from his sorrows, to go on to help the Greeks win the Trojan War, with the special knowledge he had learned from his wounds. He is like the Phoenix, rising from the ashes, and more [Read more...] about Philoctetes Instinct

Philosophy is a combination of the skill of curiosity with the trait of maturity. Curiosity, you may remember, is largely composed of the core psychological skill of Observing Ego, paired with an educated eye, full of "left brain" ability for detail, history, and organization. It has bearing on our performance in phase three - intellectual attraction - step eight, where we seek to amplify the best virtues toward [Read more...] about Philosophy

Many know Poseidon as the master of the sea and ocean creatures, but few recall him to also be the god of horses and transportation. As a close brother of Zeus, appealing to Poseidon’s different fatherly leadership twist in males will show us how it is that men think about, give away, invest in, and employ resources both material and psychological in pursuit of women.

In short, Poseidon was the [Read more...] about Poseidon Instinct

Many know Poseidon as the master of the sea and ocean creatures, but few recall him to also be the god of horses and transportation. As a close brother of Zeus, appealing to Poseidon’s different fatherly leadership twist in males will show us how it is that men think about, give away, invest in, and employ resources both material and psychological in pursuit of women.

In short, Poseidon was the [Read more...] about Poseidon Instinct

Many know Poseidon as the master of the sea and ocean creatures, but few recall him to also be the god of horses and transportation. As a close brother of Zeus, appealing to Poseidon’s different fatherly leadership twist in males will show us how it is that men think about, give away, invest in, and employ resources both material and psychological in pursuit of women.

In short, Poseidon was the [Read more...] about Poseidon Instinct

It is possible to be "intellectually narcissistic" as well as emotionally narcissistic" in our social relations, and the way that this may happen on account of Left-brained education is to treat others with "prejudice" or "judgementalism." We pre-judge something to be true of others or of life without considering alternatives, and we strive to be intellectually right and accurate at any cost, even that of our own delusion or intellectual [Read more...] about Prejudice

If someone is dominated by the defense mechanisms on this level, their function as a person is severely pathological from a psychological perspective. What do these six defenses have in common? They permit one to rearrange external experiences to eliminate the need to cope with reality, which is a definition of “being psychotic.” This is why these primitive social habits have also been called the “psychotic defenses,” which are those [Read more...] about Primitive Ego Defenses

Projection lowers our anxiety by letting our instincts and desires get expressed without becoming consciously aware of them.  We take our own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts and emotions and place them onto another person, perhaps blaming them, shaming them or otherwise dispensing with that in ourselves which we do not like.

This is a defense mechanism which truly highlights how much personal boundaries are involved in our defenses, by way [Read more...] about Projection

This is one of those weird ones to wrap your mind around. You have views of yourself and the world which you aren’t able to accept about yourself, but when you put them out onto other people, now you find them at a safe distance, more in your control. Now you do not feel as alone with them, and can accept them in yourself.

For example, a generally dependent, [Read more...] about Projective Identification

Prometheus was a Titan, predating the Olympians, and is credited with the creation of man from clay. He defies the gods and gives fire to humanity, which symbolizes human progress and civilization. Prometheus is known for his intelligence and as a champion of mankind.

The punishment of Prometheus as a consequence of the theft is as an immortal, to be bound to a rock, where each day the eagle of [Read more...] about Prometheus Instinct

Propaganda is a character "vice of excess" stemming from what would otherwise be a character virtue of Inspiration. It is too much Inspiration about achieving a goal, to the degree that the partner issuing it is likely trying to control or change the other partner in some way, to fit their own life's goals - their "mission in life" or "purpose in life" - to actually become that of [Read more...] about Propaganda

When Eros was dispatched by Aphrodite to spoil Psyche for eternity by marrying her to Death himself, he slipped and pricked himself with his own arrows of love, falling hopelessly in love with Psyche. From there, the adventurous mortal girl starts the long trek into full, adult womanhood, learning many of the instincts of femininity along the way and how to place them in her service. This may be the [Read more...] about Psyche Instinct

Usually for women or those who are feminine, this special, life-long goal is a profound one for a person. It springs from their very identity, and is sufficient to see a person through, all the way to their goals. And even through great trouble, conflict or crisis. This is one of those unique features of psychology that plays into both sexual attraction, by way of femininity, and intellectual attraction, by [Read more...] about Purpose in Life