While nobody is perfect, and nobody has a flawless record in their relationships, it is all the more important to imagine being with a partner who has a humble rather than aggrandized self-opinion. If it is success at our goals that we seek, but we find ourselves with a partner (or being the partner) who has an expanded sense of self, that will prove more costly to us both to maintain and feed with the limited resources we have.

Humility is two-directional. It is neither inflated self-respect to the point of arrogance, nor is it self-derogatory in any sense. The avoidance of viewing yourself as either too high or too low in self-opinion is again, a good-boundary trait; for it recognizes the very edge of the boundary - what we control from what we do not. One then does not view themselves too high in their esteem (the boundary shows they just how much a “big deal” they really are. Nor does it let them depict themselves in an exaggerated, demeaning way either.

Few people know this about humility, that it is neither too high nor too low in self-opinion. Someone with humility will find that they carry with them, many other traits of a solid boundary, because they will have demonstrated their understanding of where their territory ends and that of another person, begins.

Humility in many ways is the opposite of the classic traits of narcissism, where one has arrogance, a potentially inflated sense of self, and is therefore both a true defense against one’s own narcissism, as well as against that of others.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.