Regression

This social habit is one of those which has become part of the popular lexicon, and while people generally know what it means, it is important to see its core element as one of going backward in one’s level of maturity in response to a threatening stress or emotion. This means that the person has reached a certain level of development in their life, but the way they are behaving now is a response to some emotional trouble they are going through.

It is important to tell the difference between someone who is emotionally underdeveloped to start with, versus someone who has the capacity to be more mature as their norm, but has run into some trouble lately. There is a third category though, and the reason that this defense mechanism is notable, which is that when someone more mature has a frequent tendency to revert to a lower stage of development when they are under stress, this does not make for the best of partners. It suggests a weakness of the boundary, a fragility in the face of stress, and most importantly, for the ability to contain their own unacceptable impulses in a more adult way.

You may have seen this automatic, unconscious social habit in play in blatant or subtle ways. For example, when you have to reschedule a social outing due to work, and the man stands there like a child, saying, “That’s not fair!” You see the child in the man. Or on a more subtle note, when you confront the woman who has cheated on you, and rather than address it directly, she simply breaks into tears. You see the child in the woman.

And so if ever you see a person behaving in a way that is not normally like them, and in which you can see a bit of a child on the inside of them, running their behavior, even for a moment, you may be looking at regression as one of their unconscious social habits. If intellectual attraction and commitment has at its base, the need to team together to reach mutual goals, then regression is not optimal for your success together. You need to be partners who don’t crumble at the smallest pressure when you are striving for success.