Boundary holes allow anything in or out, including good things and bad things. It is like saying, "yes" to everything that happens socially. As a result, one has an "external locus of control," in which the uncontrollable in the social environment, controls us.
The personal boundary normally blocks most stress from getting into us to cause an uproar in our emotions, but when there is a preponderance of boundary holes in a person, stress gets in whenever it likes. And so a person with a dominance of boundary holes also tends to be a very stressed-out person. There is a different way of describing this:
Boundary holes are immature flaws in the personal boundary, where a person tends to suffer. Suffering is the burning of energy for no good reason, the spending of resources without thinking, where one wastes time, energy, care and concern, as well as money, on issues in life that we don't immediately control. As a result, a person with a preponderance of boundary holes in their personal boundary is not only susceptible to stress, but also wastes whatever resources they have managed to preserve up to now.
These "holes" are the "buttons" that people are said to push in us. They are the places where we are said to "have issues" or to be "oversensitive," or where people "get under our skin." They are places where we ought to realize the extent of our control over the world from what we do not control, what we own or possess from what we do not, and what is our business from what is not. When we overreach into other people's lives, or
When we overreach into other people's lives, or when we are overly impressionable and allow others to take advantage of us outside our awareness, we are dealing with a boundary hole. And it is through such holes that we suffer.
Boundary holes are on the "end of the spectrum" of one's character maturity in which people tend to get into codependent relationships, and if more passive (King, Queen or Lover Personalities) let others take too much advantage of them, or else if more aggressive (Warrior and Magician Personalities), tend to invade the territory of others.
Over time, these "holes" cause the person to lose many of their resources - time, energy and money. They also tend to latch onto others and hijack their time, energy, money and other resources. They are the most narcissistic boundary anatomy, and leave one most prone to codependence, the most immature state of being between two people.
These holes are the places in our interactions in which we do not recognize our limits, nor the limits set by others. They are the places in our lives that have been called, "issues," or the "buttons" that people push - the places where we misinterpret each other, use each other, manipulate each other, and never tire of wanting more from each other, and from ourselves.
But because of these holes in the boundary, we can never be entirely satisfied. And we always feel empty.
A large tip-off to the fact that one is suffering is when we use the word, "should," which implies that we wish for control over something that we do not have control over, and implies an unconscious entitlement to already having achieved that goal. Another version of this rests in problems using the word, "NO." Either saying it or hearing it is difficult. Not "taking NO for an answer" is part of suffering.
Fixing boundary holes and ending our suffering then consists in large part, through becoming facile and accepting of the word, "NO" in our lives, and not wasting energy on things we do not control, instead choosing to set intentions toward goals and achieving them like a more mature person with boundary doors instead of boundary holes.
Boundary holes, as the least mature and most narcissistic boundary anatomy, are also always involved in the operations of the automatic human social habits, called, "Ego Defenses," or Defense Mechanisms. The most immature defense mechanisms always have boundary holes operating in them, and the more mature ego defenses have the more mature, "boundary doors" operating in them.
