The Ego Defenses, also called, "Defense Mechanisms," are well-known to psychoanalysts who help clients along toward ever more mature behavior, but for purposes of Romantic Dynamics, we can envision them as universal and largely unconscious, automatic social habits of behavior, and which are useful, adaptable behaviors that suit one's age and developmental level in most cases.
Where things go wrong is when someone is stunted in their psychological growth, or where they regress in their growth, still using some universal social habits, often unwittingly, and which are from more immature, younger phases of their lives. As a result, they come across as "imbalanced" to those they encounter, and are either avoided or afforded lower social status in a group than they would otherwise desire.
The Ego Defenses come in four varieties which show us a general range of psychological maturity in them, and therefore level of character, virtue, and fitness to be in a committed relationship.
Walking Though the Levels of Character Maturity
Primitive Ego Defenses ➳
If someone is dominated by the defense mechanisms on this level, their function as a person is severely pathological from a psychological perspective. What do these six defenses have in common? They permit one to rearrange external experiences to eliminate the need to cope with reality, which is a definition of “being psychotic.” This is why these primitive social habits have also been called the “psychotic defenses,” which are those that cause us to be disconnected from reality.
Immature Ego Defenses ➳
While the Primitive, or Pathological Defenses are likely bans against you even dating a person, let alone forming a commitment with them, the Immature Defenses, which one can fall into a tiny bit here and there, might be an occurrence you are able to work with and occasionally tolerate and correct. It will be a question of frequency and degree. If they are rampant and pervasive, you might as well consider them to be as much of a block on the possibility of the necessary skills of commitment as the Primitive Defenses are.
Neurotic Ego Defenses ➳
We finally arrive at the level where the unconscious meets the subconscious, and our defense mechanisms begin to appear evermore on the surface of the conscious mind.
In other words, we are more aware of them.
The reason for this is that we are becoming more mature as lovers, and with that maturity not only comes more solid boundaries which have more doors than holes or walls, but the very mechanisms of our boundary doors. These, I believe to be the ego defenses themselves. What is of special note is that old core skill of personal growth that we have talked about since the beginning of this adventure together - Observing Ego - is what most defines our sense of consciousness and is the root ingredient of curiosity. It means that we are no longer “on autopilot,” which is to say, unconscious, and helpless to change our own behavior. Now we are about to discover that there are tools already on our person, tools which can fix the rusted and broken gears of the ego defenses, the mechanisms of the doors of our boundaries.
Mature Ego Defenses ➳
These social habits are seen in emotionally healthy adults and are considered psychologically mature, well-developed, and may be considered to be, to use the very recent catch-phrase, “emotionally intelligent.”
However, you might also notice these to be higher level, more constructive variations of those defenses that we have used in less mature days. The development of a specific individual parallels the evolution of that of the average person, with a similarity of form between stages of growth, but improved, more constructive, mature function.
The mature defenses not only secure more stable social connections and durable relationships, but there is more enduring pleasure, happiness and feelings of control.