This virtue is something that we tend to focus on only when in desperate need, but those of high character have learned to make it an automatic habit. There is a very good reason for this, if you think about the relationship between two people, where one takes more of a parental, unconditional love stance on providing confidence to the other, and the other takes more of a student role, the recipient of sustenance from their partner.

While we will likely trade roles back and forth in doing this for each other over the years, it is an interesting exercise to wonder what a person gets back in an interaction in which they selflessly give nurturing to the other.  If maturity is “win/win” in nature instead of “win/lose” then what is the “win” part for a person who meets the needs of the other in an unconditional love way?

What they get back is gratitude. An emotion not characterized by a dollar amount, or weighing anything, not currency to purchase anything, not even something physical like one’s labor, but rather, something psychological. And yet this value that someone receives for their support is not even a typical psychological resource. It is not energy, or time, or money. What it is, however, is an expressed idea of value. It is a kind of respect to the partner whom has given so much, and taken so little, the knowledge that what they gave their partner is of worth to the partner, like the Gift of the Magi by O Henry. It is a gift of knowledge and meaning, that you will cherish and make use in an ongoing way, of the effort put in on your behalf, by your partner.

A feeling of thankfulness or appreciation for the needs met by others, gratitude brings higher levels of happiness, and lower levels of depression, anxiety or stress. It is a kind of investment too. For, what would a very resourceful person do if they had ample supplies of the things we need to make a great life together? They would give some away, letting off the pressure of maintaining the resources, by sending some out to those who lack them. This gives a meaning to life that can’t be had in ordinary gift-giving. The only thing that can make such gifts worthwhile and encourage them to continue, is when someone is grateful for the gifts.

So very many people have been with an ungrateful person, and if you are one of them, then you know the pain involved in existing that way. Far worse when you are with a person who feels entitled to your giving, who not only doesn’t appreciate it, but who continues to burden you with the need to work harder, longer, or faster to support them, financially, emotionally, or physically. When you find a person who practices gratitude, be grateful just for that about them. You’re sure to discover many other mature, constructive traits too.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.