Interdependence is a state of connection between two people which is dynamic and adaptable to the changing conditions of both partners, and also the environment around them. It adjusts between occasional states of intimacy, and at other times, a state of independence from each other. In the case of interdependence, there must be a preponderance between the two people, of having more boundary doors in their personal boundary than other boundary anatomy such as boundary walls (which protect against abuse or misuse), or the most immature boundary anatomy of all: boundary holes that promote drama and control, the state of codependence which feels like an uncomfortable and permanent intimacy allowing no protection when one's standards are violated, or needs in romance are not met.
In interdependence, the two people, by way of their dynamic boundary doors, have a mature gift for respecting each others' privacy and individual identity, and do not feel entitled for the other person to maintain each others' resources, without expectation of receiving value back, as in codependence. They see themselves as true and equal partners. As a result, they both tend to support each other in the right way, at the right time, to the right degree, and share most of the resources of the couple - a "Win/Win" deal in which both people benefit from the efforts of the other, even when the other is being entirely independent in their time, energy, or money.
When we approach the state of perfect interdependence, we are operating in the "Goldilocks Zone" of relationships.
For the person of advantage, this arrangement follows the scientific principles of Game Theory, and particularly the "Nash Equilibrium," a "perfect deal," or "win/Win" deal within a loving, but lasting relationship. All the mature character virtues are present, such as patience, altruism, respect, justice, and the presence of the four skills of intellectual attraction of committed partnership - curiosity, communication, compromise and collaboration.
Like Goldilocks' "just right" porridge, the amount of intimacy is just right for the couple to share resources and goals, yet retain their own separate identities, and they know each other to the core, but do not overtake the other person's identity, as in codependence. Nor do they maintain such distance as to be overly independent and cold or loveless in the relationship. In fact, there is mathematical, geometric perfection in this model. For, the exact ratio of the length to width of this shared, intimate state, called, "the relationship," has the "Golden Ratio" of Archimedes, the mathematical ratio seen in the symmetrical beauty of nature, called, "Phi," or 1.618...
The highest level to reach in a relationship will look somewhat similar to codependence in the "togetherness" involved. However, this more mature state of togetherness is called, "intimacy." Which is a state that is not constant or perpetual, but voluntarily entered here and there when conditions are right, and both agree. This state of interdependence, which contains occasional intimacy and at other times, independence to go work on one's interests, depends on the most mature boundary anatomy, called boundary doors.
