The ability to avoid extremes of behavior and modulate our own behavior within reasonable limits is essential, as we have said. This also extends to the ability to interpret the threats and stresses which come our way too, to see them as something that will worsen at times and eventually improve on their own, or with our intervention. We will also see that Aristotle’s “Golden Mean” of virtue has much to do with this crucial ego defense.
As we have said, good boundaries are always involved in mature ego defenses, and this is no exception. The self-restraint which we employ on our own drives, instincts, passions, emotions and behavior will help us navigate a diplomatic and courteous treatment of others, and of ourselves.
When we first meet a person, it is the vitality of passion which attracts us in their level of expressed masculinity or femininity. Since we are focused much on this at first, it may charm us, enthrall us, and cause us to be swept up in the moment with the person. However, if we find that they lack moderation, and are a generally outwardly, passionately expressive person most of the time, we may tire of the energy which it takes to keep up with this person. We may find that what was once charming and attractive, is later exhausting and draining of our own passions, derailing use as individuals and as a couple toward the goals we seek to successfully reach.
And so in finding a passionate partner early in courtship, be sure to check for the ability to be moderate too, because later on, you will discover that moderation does allow the selective expression of passion when it is called for, but equanimity at other times, when it is called for.
GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.
