If someone is dominated by the defense mechanisms on this level, their function as a person is severely pathological from a psychological perspective. What do these six defenses have in common? They permit one to rearrange external experiences to eliminate the need to cope with reality, which is a definition of “being psychotic.” This is why these primitive social habits have also been called the “psychotic defenses,” which are those that cause us to be disconnected from reality.

Those who use these mechanisms would understandably appear to be insane to others. If you have ever dated someone whom you soon considered to be absolutely “crazy,” or found yourself suddenly wanting to leave a person because you had an insight that they were so irrational, you felt you could be in some kind of danger, then they may have been frequently using one or more of these defense mechanisms.

In terms of people who use these, their communication ability, and what it would mean to be in a relationship with them, the decision is up to you. However, short of advising you not to get into a relationship with them, let us instead say that you should treat them with kindness and if asked, help them understand themselves.

And so, as a culture, we sometimes take at least vague interest in these dynamics, and as individuals, we have personal experience of them in just as much of a terrifying way, as the Invisible Man. It is all invisible, and so terrifying and mysterious, yet just like the Invisible Man, we know that something is going on around us of importance, by way of not what we do see, but by the actual physical objects that the Invisible Man moves, or wears, or bumps into.

They will cause a person to be utterly incapable of participating in the Four Skills of Commitment or to make adjustments in the Four Commonalities of Commitment seen in intellectual attraction.

Common Primitive Defense Mechanisms

Denial ➳

Someone living in denial refuses to live in reality because it is too threatening; arguing against a social situation as if the threatening context just doesn't exist. As far as ego defenses go, this one is perhaps one of the most cited in the popular lexicon. We frequently use it to describe the social habits of the drug addict or alcoholic, the criminal, and others who are on the fringe of mainstream society.

Conversion ➳

The expression of an intrapsychic conflict as something physical. In the world of medicine, this pathologic effect has been seen in the form of blindness, deafness, or some other catastrophic physical manifestation of someone’s inner conflict or anxiety. You may know it in a more mundane way as “being too sick to go to school,” or in having had someone genuinely fall ill with a cold or flu at just the wrong time. For example, right before your wedding.

Delusional Projection ➳

Delusions about reality, usually of a persecutory nature. Consider this when you hear a person say such things as, “Women seem to hate me,” or “My whole family is out to get me.”Be on guard when you hear a person cite a whole group of others as all having the same opinion about the person: “all my friends,” “my whole family,” or an entire gender - “Women all...” or “Men all...” Overgeneralizing about groups of others might reveal this tendency, and it can be seen in some of the more primitive characters in many Woody Allen films.

Delusional Projection is an extremely primitive defense in that the feared state of high anxiety caused by the drives and negative beliefs about the self which are largely unconscious, have a direct expression out into the outer social environment.

Distortion ➳

A gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs. This one is definitely worth noting and mentioning because it is so often used among couples in their communication. In that context, what is most often meant by it is to say that the other person is not interpreting us properly in communication. As you may guess, it is hard to overcome, and as you could imagine, is not compatible with a long-term relationship. A film where this is seen is Woody Allen’s, Match Point, in which an American woman currying favor with a wealthy family is interrupted by the local soccer pro, and Falls on love with disastrous consequences.

Extreme Projection ➳

The outright ignoring of a moral or psychological problem in the self, which is perceived as a deficiency in another individual or group. A prime example of this exists in the history of Nazi Germany, where a whole people, the Jews, were blamed en masse, for the economic failings of the whole German people. In the context of our everyday relationships, you might simply call this, “finger-pointing.” Any “divorce movie” that you see, from War of the Roses to Gone Girl, contains this. If you see this tendency in your social connections, you are likely looking at a relationship failure.

Splitting ➳

It is turning people against each other, with the good and bad in people split off and unintegrated, then projected onto someone else. The person sees “all-good” and “all-bad” in others, with no room for ambiguity and ambivalence.

Return to the FOUR LEVELS OF EGO DEFENSES ➳

See the Primitive Ego Defenses, Immature Ego Defenses, Neurotic Ego Defenses, and Mature Ego Defenses.