Mercy

You have certainly heard the phrase that “Absolute power corrupts, absolutely.” Well, only for those with weaknesses of character and the incipient lack of mercy for others. This may draw from the concept that no human being is entirely free of narcissism, the tendency to be selfish, self-centered, to lack empathy for others, to cross the boundaries of others and to be occasionally win/lose in our social transactions with others.

One central tenet of the very notion of Romantic Dynamics is that we may embark on a journey of personal growth by way of our romances. In fact, many a psychologist or psychoanalyst may argue that it is precisely by way of “bumping into the psychology of others” that we learn lessons and grow psychologically and spiritually.

This would certainly be true of the nature of personal boundaries; for, without the impact of those invisible parts of ourselves, the boundaries, we cannot literally experience where our psychology ends and that of someone else begins. We cannot see our impact on the lives of others, both constructive and destructive, nor can we grow in our storehouse of conscience through the guilt caused us in seeing the suffering we have caused others, nor the growth of intuition we acquire by way of the suffering we endure on account of destructive environments that we find ourselves in. This is all because of the useful knowledge and experience we get through interactions with others.

With mercy as a virtue or defense, we may find ourselves with a large power differential over others, over our partner. While circumstances in life change - one of us gets fired and the other does not. She has a miscarriage, and her identity is harmed by life. He falls into financial hard times, and his identity is injured. In those times we may feel weaker than we ever had - depleted of the passion and vitality that masculinity and femininity give us. Out partner at those times may feel, and be very powerful in comparison to our own, and may lose sight of the bigger picture of life’s timeline, the ebb and flow of power and passion, and may lose perspective in our temporary lack of attractiveness while they feel a temporary lack of attractedness to us.

It is a time that calls for mercy on their part. Patience and perspective in their boundary and their Observing Ego, gratitude for how well we have treated them in the past - our reciprocal altruism - and just the nature of their virtue and goodness in general will hopefully carry mercy with those things. And they will treat us fairly, knowing that it is human to lose attraction for us in our time of weakness, but knowing that someday we will be strong again, and that they can be a part of our reemergence, at least through their encouragement of our level of masculinity and femininity.

In a partner, you will certainly need to look for and appreciate the presence of mercy if you are to last through the ebb and flow of power in a couple.