Similar to Lust or Desire, this first phase of human courtship is governed by the functions of the Reptilian Brain, which is the software of the mind that rules the operations of the unconscious, the instincts and reflexes, pertains both to the functions of the physical body, and to the deepest sense of self and identity.
Its principles operate in the domain of romance, but simultaneously have an effect on one's sense of survival, passion, and vitality, charisma, and excitement for life. , According to Romantic Dynamics, Sexual Attraction may be returned to again and again to reinvigorate it, even if one is in the second or third phase of courthsip.
For sexual attraction to exist and grow between two people, there must be a polarity between those people, in what Freud called, the "Libido," or "life force.” In that, there is a sharp divide between only two types of passion or “life force,” which in the Romantic Dynamics model, has no spectrum or gradient: that of masculinity and femininity.
Regardless of one's sexual orientation or gender identity, one is either masculine or feminine. Within one of those two distinct types of Gender Instincts, there is a greater or lesser degree of passion for life in that individual's level of charisma, power, sex appeal, vitality, excitement, attractiveness, and capacity to be attracted.
The amount of sexual attraction between two individuals is entirely dependent on the quantifiable amount of masculinity and femininity between the individuals, and the total polarity between them that this generates.
The higher the amount of masculinity and femininity in two individuals is directly in proportion to the amount of sexiness the individuals have, and when paired with the absence of narcissism in both, the attraction is all the more.
This is because freely given expression of masculinity in one partner, directed at the other, raises the other partner's femininity and passion, while the amount of freely given femininity in one partner toward the other, raises the first partner’s level of masculinity, passion, and charisma in return. As such, it is potentially, an ever-growing feedback loop of mutual amplification of passion and sexual attraction, when one adheres to the sexual attraction steps of Romantic Dynamics.
It then falls on both partners to understand the list of specific gender instincts in the opposite gender, very different from one's own, and to encourage their expression, enjoyment and fulfillment of them. The steps of Sexual Attraction come as three overarching sets of events, in parallel with the three "Temptations of Paris" depicted in the painting, above:
STEP 1: "Boy Meets Girl": Beauty on the part of the woman (the gift of the Aphrodite Instinct), and Mystery on the part of the man (the gift of the Hermes Instinct for single men and the Eros Instinct for married men.)
STEP 2: "Ladies and Gentlemen": behaving in a maternal or paternal way toward each other, which makes him feel like "King of the World" (the gift of the Hera Instinct) and her feel like a Queen (Hera, herself.)
STEP 3: "Winning and Losing": where the woman tests the man for valor or masculinity to see if he is a winner (the gift of the Athena Instinct), and to test him to see if he is of Character Maturity (the Artemis Instinct, a sister of Athena.)
The Three Steps of Sexual Attraction, or Desire
Step 1: Boy Meets Girl (Beauty and Mystery) ➳
Something has to start the connection between two people who will eventually find love. Since we are in the reptilian brained part of the mind, we are essentially nonverbal, physical, and relying on the senses for the first stirrings of romance. From our story of the Temptation of Paris, from the ancient Greeks, we find the young character from the Trojan War, choosing the Beauty of Helen as his ultimate prize offered by the most powerful goddesses, which of course, represents the deep, instinctual feminine nature of women. How women conduct themselves physically, and in flirtation, causes men to compete with each other for their attention, and we see men respond to this with a mysterious air that satisfies the most primitive, instinctual drives in women to want to know more, to "solve the mystery" expressed by the man. This is exemplified in such folklore as the story of Bluebeard, and in tales of the Greek gods, Hermes (the messenger, communicator and trickster), and Eros (the god of love and desire.)
We need to not forget the other two gifts offered in our story, or else risk the eventual end of the relationship, because beauty cannot last, and neither can putting on an air of mystery last forever. A man who does this as his only action ends up being labeled "weird" or "creepy," instead of masculine and desirable, unless he recognizes where in courtship he stands, and moves on to the next step, once the two potential partners realize that they are liked by each other.
Step 2: Ladies and Gentlemen ➳
To today's couples, this would be like making the man feel special, and giving him respect, honor, and compliments, letting him know he is preferred over other men, not unlike "maternal" treatment. In kind, Hera was married to Zeus, who offered the same special treatment in return, known to often assist his followers in profound and powerful ways, to keep them safe, and to elevate their own status and fortunes. This is akin to a man offering "paternal" treatment in return, where both partners are letting each other know they are liked and admired. And so treating each other like "Ladies and Gentlemen," and the preference and honor given in such an interaction, forms Step 2 of human courtship (and Sexual Attraction.)
Step 3: Winning and Losing ➳
Athena, the goddess of war, was known to put men under the microscope in this way, judging the merits of one warrior over another and one army over another, eventually favoring one, and assisting that party to victory. This is then, the Step of Courtship where one must compete with other men for the love or the attention of the same woman. For her part, she needs to screen out the men who are not qualified for her, not a good match, not sociable together or compatible, and so she 'tests' the man for both his masculinity and his character. The man who rises above other men of interest to her, in terms of masculinity and character, is then, the "winner" in her view, and is qualified to now move on into a growing friendship and love with her, not just physical attraction. They may then start to date, or eventually become exclusive in dating.
< RETURN TO THE STEPS OF COURTSHIP GO TO EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION >
The Shop Around the Corner (1940)
The Shop Around the Corner is a James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan film about love and you can see ample information about it below. It is available free on the web.
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