If all three steps of Sexual Attraction are geared toward exclusively amplifying two peoples' masculinity and femininity in a way exclusive to each other, then how is it that we are to prepare to move on to the deeper parts of the relationship where sexuality is less in the foreground?

After all, many a man and woman have been "flirtatious," but not all that serious about more exclusive and committed relationships. What we see in the field of Evolutionary Psychology also attests to the different "reproductive strategies" found in the instincts of the two genders among mammals, including humans. For men, there are literally billions of gametes, sperm cells, over the lifetime that could contribute to offspring, where the total number of gametes for a female is somewhere on the order of 200-300, the total number of menstrual cycles in a reproductive lifetime. This means that there is going to be a naturally evolved, strategic difference in these ancient instincts when it pertains to reproduction and sex.

In the masculine instincts, that plays out as a tendency to be physically attracted to many different females over the lifetime (if a male sires numerous children by numerous women, then his genetic material gets passed on to far more offspring.) And in feminine instincts, a high standard for quality in a mate makes more sense as a successful strategy, since so much of her physical and psychological resources goes into each, individual child she were to have. This then plays out in a high selectivity on her part, early on, before the actual sex act could possibly take place.

Translation? In men's instincts, they are not sexually as choosey over a mate with whom to have sex (although they might have high standards of character in a mate with whom they will commit for life.) For women, they are very choosey in selecting a mate early on, before sex, with an expectation of commitment on the partner's part if they are to find themselves wanting to have sex and doing so.

This means that there needs to be a very vigorous "cross-checking" the quality of a man by the woman, before a full sexual attraction (and sex itself) are realized. Such a process will be the major topic of the final step of Sexual Attraction, Step 3.

In the end, the relations of the genders and their power in the relationship must be harmonious and as equal as possible. In this first, early phase of courtship, Sexual Attraction, the power tips entirely toward women. They have the final decision and assessment of the sexuality of the relationship and whether sex will take place. And we aren't just talking sociology here, but biological imperative, as ancient as humans are ancient.

In the balance of power between men and women, one might say that if a woman's core self is in part contained in the sanctity of her body, then surrendering to sex is of the highest order in terms of "giving of one's self" to another person in love. For men, whose sense of core self is unconsciously, instinctually, centered in the "fruits of his labors," of in his career progress, men don't care nearly with instinct as much about potential harm to their bodies, as they do to the results of the labors of the use of their bodies.  They will need every ounce of this core self to devote to the sustenance and protection of an eventual family and spouse, in how their instincts inform them, regardless of whether their wife happens to be a high powered CEO or entertainment icon. Men "give of themselves" through their labor, not their bodies in and of themselves.

As a result, there are unconscious expectations on the part of both genders from a reproductive, strategic instinctual standpoint: if the woman surrenders to sex, there is an expectation that the man is likely to remain in her life, and grow alongside her in the romance, possibly for the long-term.  If a man supports and provides in the long-term to a wife and family, regardless of their relative income, his sacrifice carries an expectation for her, that she remain loyal to him, and supportive of his masculine efforts, including the expectation that he will continue to be loved and desired.

This gender difference in expectations is not literally, "sex for money," but rather, in the profound value of "core self" that one invests in a relationship that both expect to last. The sense of what core self draws on for feeling passion for life, differing between the genders. We see this difference in every department store product display on the planet - that what thrills women and men are very different things.

There happens to be an answer from history and literature that unifies with what we see in science research between the genders and their investment behavior. There was a "third goddess" in the story of the Temptation of Paris - in which the competition among three goddesses for the attention of the most successful, handsome, reknown man on earth, who was Paris of Troy.  While Aphrodite offered "Beauty" in the form of marriage to Helen of Troy, the most beautiful woman in the world, and the face that launched a thousand ships," and Hera offered him "dominion over all the world," in the form of success and property (which feeds the male soul through career accomplishment and resources that elevate his status as a man), it was Athena who offered Paris, "victory in every battle" he was ever to fight - "being a winner," top status as a man and a winner.

Her offering needs to not be forgotten from among the three, because it too, both amplifies the masculinity of a man, but also requires that he compete and rise to a certain standard, to "be worthy" of such a prize and status.

Athena, the goddess of war, was known to put men under the microscope in this way, judging the merits of one warrior over another and one army over another, eventually favoring one, and assisting that party to victory. It is then the Athena Instinct in women, judge of a man's level of masculinity, "how much of a winner" he is at being a man, and another goddess of the same spirit, Artemis, who was the "night huntress," also known as Diana to the Romans, and whose gift was that of keen observation and hunting, judging and acquiring one's prize as a woman, even in the pale light of the night, when the surrounds of the environment are not so clear to the eye.

The Artemis Instinct may then be the instinctual nature of women to judge accurately in chaotic or unclear situations, in the case of romance, to judge a man's merits not in terms of brute masculinity level (of "being a winner"), but in the refinements of character maturity and friendship potential with her, evidence of his capacity to commit to a long term partnership, with ethics, and virtue, and wisdom of his own. In non-romantic life, you might even say that Artemis contributes to a woman's keen sense of value in the consumer spending market, our model for comparison of "reproductive value" that we were just talking about - the "treasure hunter instinct" or the "shopping instinct."

The combination of what we are dubbing the Athena Instinct with the Artemis Instinct are the perfect pairing to support what the Evolutionary Psychologists were saying about relative numbers of gametes and differing reproductive strategies. The Athena Instinct helping a woman feel the move from just flirtation and fatherliness in the man, to how powerful it would be to align with a man as husband. The Artemis Instinct might help a woman take what she learned of his fatherliness in Step 2, into knowing the kind of character maturity he is likely to have in the long term, as an actual father to her children and as a husband who has the endurance to go on for life as a mate. It is a double checking or assurance that the little clues she received about him in Step 2 are bona fide and accurate before we move on to more exclusive dating, friendship and love, which carry far more psychological investment than just a sexual connection or physical intimacy.

In fact, as we move from early dating, into exclusive dating and friendship, and then to committed partnership and possibly marriage, the stakes get higher for both genders through the three phases. Commitment becomes very serious, and untold investment has taken place at this point between them. It will be there, in the third phase of courtship, the Intellectual Attraction, in its final step, where men have the power of discrimination. Where, just before committing for life, to proposing marriage, the man must come back to these same principles of assessing character maturity in the woman. And so where women, biologically, hold all the power of sexuality in choice of a mate, men hold all the power, biologically, of commitment in choice in a mate.

You can learn much more about this step in the whole series of deep lessons on it, at the main site articles of "Winning and Losing."

This is then, the Step of Courtship where one must compete with other men for the love or the attention of the same woman. For her part, she needs to screen out the men who are not qualified for her, not a good match, not sociable together or compatible, and so she 'tests' the man for both his masculinity and his character, with the Athena Instinct and the Artemis Instinct.

The man who rises above other men of interest to her, in terms of masculinity and character, is then, the "winner" in her view, and is qualified to now move on into a growing friendship and love with her, not just physical attraction. They may then start to date, or eventually become exclusive in dating.

A man and woman need to offer each other the promise of a story worth reading, and a potential mate worth learning and discovering more about. With the end of the testing of this step on the part of the woman, if she finds the man to be masculine, and to be a "winner" with high character maturity, then she relaxes and becomes satisfied that he may be a "keeper," someone with whom to date more regularly or even exclusively.

It is then, that we will move on to a whole new step of romance, called Emotional Attraction, which is the same as starting a friendship together, now that sexual desire is secure and unique to just this one other, special person in all the world.

As we move on to Emotional Attraction and the courtship, Step 4, we need to remember that sexual attraction does not compel a couple to have to actually engage in the sex act. That may occur at any level of romance. However, if it does happen, it will feel right for the couple at this juncture. Regardless, though, even if they don't actually engage in sex, the desire that they feel for each other is quite complete at this point. Holding back still further for a bit may even help them cross the bridge fully, into the phase of friendship and love, the Emotional Attraction Phase.

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