A temperament of personality, in which one is "right-brained" (creative) and action-taking, emotionally, or paternal in nature, regardless of gender.

This is one of the four kinds of temperament of personality described in the Social Personality System, and it is the opposite of a King or Queen temperament, which would be the ideal match for it in friendship, romance, and any kind of partnership.

Magicians tend to feel most fulfilled when they have an audience, or perform for others, entertaining them or making them laugh, or tend to take actions that cause change for large groups of people, solving problems on a large scale. Just as wizards and magicians of medieval times might be at the service of the king or queen, they assist other leaders with their vision, grand perspective, creativity, artistry or secret knowledge.

Their weakness is a lack of attention to the fine details, and their strength is the ability to sway the masses, often full of charisma.

This personality style, composed of right-brained intellectual ability and confidence as a dominant type of self esteem, makes them especially gifted at tasks that require creative, visionary thinking and big actions with big results.

In fact, while the personalities have a place in the Triune Brain map of the mind, in the mammalian and higher brain, there is a way they play out into the fully conscious mind of the higher brain in terms of one's character makeup.

For example, we learn in the Intellectual Attraction Phase of courtship how people can find Character Compatibility in terms of their best virtues. Those of the Magician personality style are especially adept at four of the sixteen, Cardinal Virtues.

In the case of the Magician:

MASTER VIRTUES OF MAGICIANS:

• Aspiration
• Inspiration
• Heroism
• Resourcefulness

If you find that your opposite sex parent has one of these four virtues, it is likely also attractive to you in terms of seeing yourself possibly getting into a committed relationship with such a person, and that person, if they are a Magician, and you are a King or Queen, this is likely to cause a durable romantic connection between you two.

A temperament of personality, in which one is "right-brained" (creative) and action-taking, emotionally, or paternal in nature, regardless of gender.

This is one of the four kinds of temperament of personality described in the Social Personality System, and it is the opposite of a King or Queen temperament, which would be the ideal match for it in friendship, romance, and any kind of partnership.

Magicians tend to feel most fulfilled when they have an audience, or perform for others, entertaining them or making them laugh, or tend to take actions that cause change for large groups of people, solving problems on a large scale. Just as wizards and magicians of medieval times might be at the service of the king or queen, they assist other leaders with their vision, grand perspective, creativity, artistry or secret knowledge.

Their weakness is a lack of attention to the fine details, and their strength is the ability to sway the masses, often full of charisma.

This personality style, composed of right-brained intellectual ability and confidence as a dominant type of self esteem, makes them especially gifted at tasks that require creative, visionary thinking and big actions with big results.

In fact, while the personalities have a place in the Triune Brain map of the mind, in the mammalian and higher brain, there is a way they play out into the fully conscious mind of the higher brain in terms of one's character makeup.

For example, we learn in the Intellectual Attraction Phase of courtship how people can find Character Compatibility in terms of their best virtues. Those of the Magician personality style are especially adept at four of the sixteen, Cardinal Virtues.

In the case of the Magician:

MASTER VIRTUES OF MAGICIANS:

• Aspiration
• Inspiration
• Heroism
• Resourcefulness

If you find that your opposite sex parent has one of these four virtues, it is likely also attractive to you in terms of seeing yourself possibly getting into a committed relationship with such a person, and that person, if they are a Magician, and you are a King or Queen, this is likely to cause a durable romantic connection between you two.

The "software" of the subconscious mind, including the emotions, self-esteem, happiness, friendship and love.

Its operations have the pursuit of happiness as the goal, with the ability to tolerate and defeat stress, which is the opposite of self-esteem.

The mammalian brain is about bonding, emotionally, and in Romantic Dynamics, we believe it to house two types of self-esteem, which are Well-being and Confidence.

Well-being is a nurturing, maternal kind of self esteem, which lets us feel nurtured and with enough resources, whether those are time, energy, money or friendship.

Confidence is a can-do, action-oriented kind of self-esteem, which lets us feel encouraged and motivated to take action, even in the face of risk, change or loss.

Emotional attraction also tends to help us define four types of temperament of personality, of which there are:

1. Kings and Queens (experts of the world, with wisdom and opinions.)
2. Warriors (fighters of the world.)
3. Magicians (entertainers and visionaries of the world.)
4. Lovers (poets and artists of the world.)

The notion that animals bond through breastfeeding is interesting in that the concept of the mammalian brain very well may describe how it was that "lone wolf" personalities might "bond" with others, then to discover that the allure of happiness may bond you to someone for a more durable connection than that of just being sexually attracted.

In the field of Evolutionary Psychology, the model called the "Triune Brain Model" has the mammalian brain as one of the three, interdependent areas of the mind. The other two are the Reptilian Brain and the Higher Brain.

Manipulation, or Intrusiveness, is a character "vice of excess" stemming from what would otherwise be a character virtue in the form of Influence. Both are narcissistic traits, just like any vice would be, but in the use of the word, "intrusiveness," we are highlighting the nature of the poor boundaries involved for those who invade the privacy, ideas, beliefs and space of others. Use of the word, "Manipulation" or "manipulative," we are highlighting the nature of  attempting to change or control the ideas and beliefs of another person. This is why manipulation is a vice of excess Influence.

Someone who is "manipulative," is by definition, pathologically narcissistic to some degree. However, all human beings are on a spectrum with some degree of manipulativeness, no matter how small. in addition, there are degrees of age-appropriate narcissism and manipulativeness. For a young child, the degree of their clever, excess influence is usually not called, "manipulation" but rather, the "terrible twos" or "being a threenager," as opposed to being labeled negative, narcissistic, or some other derogatory term.

The nature of the character vice, "manipulation," also can parallel one's dominant level of maturity of the Ego Defenses that we also cover, from Primitive Ego Defenses, to Immature Ego Defenses, both rather "manipulative," we grow toward the Neurotic Ego Defenses, and finally, the Mature Ego Defenses, which are the least narcissistic and least manipulative of all.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

Unlike Resignation or Abdication, which are vices about passiveness that utterly avoid responsibility by your partner in doing the work of even being a partner, Martyr behavior is a character "vice of excess" that sees the partner actually over-deliver on service to the point of abject sacrifice of their goals, ownership or even the dignity of adhering to one's life goals. The ostensible rationale would be the assumption that if "one gives one's all," they will somehow be rewarded, in kind. Sometimes people just take what they take.

In being unjust as a partner in contributing to achieving a goal, the martyr-like partner is not pursuing their own life's goals - their "mission in life" or "purpose in life" to the direct psychological enrichment of the other partner. It is unfair and unjust, doing one's self harm in what started as joint goals.

People are often being in Martyrdom unconsciously, and so when their overdelivered service behavior is pointed out to them, they are offended that what seems a more-than-fair deal to them is shockingly unappreciated. And that is the problem. They use an Immature Ego Defense, called, "Projection" - which is like attributing one's own traits onto another person.  (Learning about the Ego Defenses, you will find them to be a handy, objective measure of a personal character maturity level.)

It is pathologically narcissistic to be a martyr, given that it produces destructiveness, a "win/lose" behavior - causing "unwanted gifts," which is depicted in couples where the man or woman are trying to "buy love."

The other vice of Service as a virtue is called, "Mercenary," where a person "cuts a bad deal for their own advantage in getting to goals.

Someone who is romantically in martyrdom is a hustler, directly surrendering their goals and dreams of a mate, letting themselves be "steam-rolled."

As a vice which makes partnership within relationships fail to get to goals, and intellectually unattractive, consider Marterdom behavior to be negative in many ways, including in sexual attraction, since it actually depletes the reserves of one's own, or the other partner's masculinity or femininity.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

RETURN TO THE GENDER INSTINCTS ➳Masculinity is a set of Masculine Gender Instincts, which make men feel more alive, passionate, sexually attracted, and sexually attractive to those who are feminine.

Consumer spending studies clearly show that there are major differences between the genders, not only in what types of items are purchased (for example, beard-trimmers versus tampons) among the genders, but within major product categories (automobiles, homes, books, films) there are also specific, quantifiable differences between the genders in terms of brands and models most purchased. Equally important for our purposes is the types and styles of marketing used to appeal across gender lines, to make the most profit.

Money doesn't lie. Marketing strategies today usually capitalize on something the genders have in equal amounts - impulsivity, fears, frustrations and hunger - and yet they respond to the impulse-generating stimuli in different ways that also cut across gender lines. We've all rolled our eyes at the concept of "Today is the Last Day of the Sale," and yet we neglect to see how clearly, the genders have different sets of instincts, whose impulsivity cause them to buy very different brands and models of things.

We have learned that the "location" in the mind of these analogous parts of psychology - the impulses, instincts, habits, imprinting, passions, and the desire that arises in masculine and feminine automatic behavior such as purchasing - all collaborate for a common purpose: to "feel alive."

As per Darwin and Freud, that feeling may cause us to be ecstatic, or it may cause us to seek to reproduce. In either case, it is "the spark of life" that we are talking about. That which gives us extreme joy of the type that makes us feel "fully alive."

For those with Masculinity, this feeling state that one can sense "deep in their bones" is not merely a set of ideas, or even emotions, but rather, a physicality that one can describe as the identity of 'being alive" itself.

The stories of the ancient Greek gods tend to carry a single, major lesson at a time about these instincts, and the basic nature of the gods and goddesses themselves, like that of the "Patron Saints" of Catholicism, tend to be singular in nature.

And so if you believe that what makes great stories stand the test of time is the same thing that makes science last through history - the universal appeal and application of them both - then you might see how stories that last thousands of years have something universal and durable for us to learn, no matter what culture, period of history, or sociological movement we happen to be experiencing.

That is true of masculinity and femininity - not mere "roles" that are abandoned when money is on the line, but core identities full of programmed instincts deep in our DNA's expression, and inherited.

To learn about what causes men to automatically fall in love and desire to start a romance is also to learn about what makes them fully alive, and gives them passion, charisma, vitality, and a robust pursuit of love, success and happiness. Our best current lexicon of these Masculine Instincts rests in the singular nature of the behavior of each male, Greek Deity.

The Masculine Gender Instincts

Hermes ➳

His nature has been called, “mercurial,” when a man is fickle, flighty, changing to and fro often, and hard to pin down or “label.” Much like the liquid metal that is his namesake, the Roman god, Mercury – known as Hermes to the Greeks – was the god of speed, the messenger to the gods of Mt Olympus, and quite the trickster. This is the core essence of what the “pickup artists” were trying (and failed) to define or draw power from.

Eros ➳

When Eros was dispatched by Aphrodite to spoil Psyche for eternity by marrying her to Death himself, he slipped and pricked himself with his own arrows of love, falling hopelessly in love with Psyche herself.  Whisking her away to his hidden and mysterious abode under cover of darkness, he established his one “rule of marriage” (not unlike that of Bluebeard many centuries later.) The rule was that she may never see him in daylight, only be with him in the darkness of night. He is the god of the married man retaining his mysteriousness.

Zeus ➳

The Zeus Instinct is the leadership instinct for those who are masculine. It also incorporates the masculine need for rank and hierarchy, "knowing one's place" in the rankings, and having a goal to aim for in making progress within a social system. When a man leads in a “Zeus” way in a relationship, it doesn’t take anything away from the woman’s leadership. It’s just a masculine style versus a feminine style, both powerful. Hera and Zeus were the “godhead” of Mt Olympus, and their marriage itself was the real “ruler” in everyday Greek life. So why the designations as regents of the universe? The fact that Zeus is called ‘King” and Hera is called “Queen” suits the masculine instinct that the figure of Zeus himself symbolizes.

Poseidon ➳

Many know Poseidon as the master of the sea and ocean creatures, but few recall him to also be the god of horses and transportation. As a close brother of Zeus, appealing to Poseidon’s different fatherly leadership twist in males will show us how it is that men think about, give away, invest in, and employ resources both material and psychological in pursuit of women.

Hades ➳

Hades is the brother of Zeus like Poseidon, but of the three, is rather the “odd man out.” He prefers being alone, to go about ruling his kingdom which has nothing to do with the world of the surface, where the actions of Zeus and Poseidon exert their power.

Ares ➳

The Ares Instinct of masculinity is the instinctual/reflex system of the male reptilian brain that just loves a challenge, competition with other men, and the pleasure of winning for winning’s sake. With every ambition to overcome a challenge - at battle in the worlds of career and love, which to men are literally Darwin’s survival, and reproduction - men feel a jolt of life-affirming energy called masculinity. As with the rest of the Masculine Instincts, men are impassioned with vitality when they win at the areas of life, and are filled with the thrill of being alive.

Apollo ➳

Apollo is the patron of an inherent trait that any human, male or female can easily summon: that of curiosity about the world, the mind, and the mind of the opposite sex.  Curiosity as the core trait of Apollo fits him, because he was also the god of prophecy, healing, plague, music, poetry, and essentially an intellectual variety that reenergizes that original sexual attractor in men, of “mysteriousness”.

Odysseus ➳

When Demeter returned from her work to where she had left Persephone, and found only the river, she interrogated them all about what had happened. Hades had stolen her daughter down to the underworld. And when not a soul could utter the details of the abduction, in a fit of rage of a level only seen in a mother whose child is imperiled, she cursed all the nymphs into becoming ugly women with feathered bodies and scaly feet, called the Sirens. The very creatures who would later tempt many sailors to their deaths on the rocks with their beautiful sounds and evil intentions, including the attempt to do so to the most fierce male warrior of the Trojan War, Odysseus, whose instinct in men may be the master one of all - that seeking the freedom of self-determination in one’s fate. Odysseus may be the master masculine instinct of them all - that which seeks the freedom of travel, adventure and the wonders of the world, as well as the challenge of its pitfalls.

Prometheus ➳

Prometheus was a Titan, predating the Olympians, and is credited with the creation of man from clay. He defies the gods and gives fire to humanity, which symbolizes human progress and civilization. Prometheus is known for his intelligence and as a champion of mankind.

Theseus ➳

Theseus was one of the founders of Athens, and the demigod who slew the Minotaur in the maze. Loved by the daughter of his enemy, King Minos, it was she who used a slender, golden thread, and saved him from being lost, forever in the maze, even if he did manage to kill the Minotaur. He followed the path of the golden thread back out, to the light of day. He symbolizes the pride and achievement of the married man in the workplace.

Perseus ➳

Perseus was the son of Zeus and Danaë, the daughter of Acrisius, King of Argos. Acrisius was met with an oracle who warned him that he would one day be killed by his daughter's son. In order to keep Danaë childless, Acrisius imprisoned her in a bronze chamber, open to the sky, in the courtyard of his palace. Zeus came to her in the form of a shower of gold, and impregnated her. Soon after, their child was born; Perseus, who would go on to defeat the monster, Medusa. He is the part of male instinct who is a gentleman that does not fear the worst in women, and who, through his high character, can be a hero to women. He is the high character hero in masculinity who must slay narcissism in himself and others, or he cannot be the hero he was meant to be. He is similar to the male main character in today's zombie films.

Actaeon ➳

Actaeon was the hunting companion of Artemis who, seeing her naked in her sacred spring, lost control of himself. She was bathing in the woods when he stumbled across her, thus seeing her naked. Actaeon stopped and stared, amazed at her ravishing beauty. This is the natural instinct in males to adore the physical beauty in women - the "wandering eye" which is an expression of masculinity and empassioning to the male, filling him with life. However, the downside is the selfish experience and expression of this.

Philoctetes ➳

Philoctetes gained the favor of the god, Heracles, for helping light the then, mortal's funeral pyre, and was given Heracles' bow and poisoned arrows. He was the "wounded warrior," symbolizing the "traumatized man," and recovers from his sorrows, to go on to help the Greeks win the Trojan War, with the special knowledge he had learned from his wounds. He is like the Phoenix, rising from the ashes, and more - the vitality and exhilaration in the masculine instincts that comes from learning lessons out of losses, the "underdog," who rises up with special knowledge that cannot be possessed without the advantage of having been wounded.

Hercules ➳

Hercules is the story of the "honorable loser," one who is willing to gracefully lose a battle in order to win a war. In effect, his deification results from the valor in fighting battles, and submission to die on a funeral pyre, thus, becoming a god.  It is a man's ability to sacrifice for a greater cause, to lose gracefully and not as a "sore loser," only then to see the rewards of a full, healthy pride in having done one's masculine duty. It is similar to the honor in "the captain going down with the ship," which may be difficult for many to understand the instincts within. Only men who have been through a great sacrifice know the honor and value of so doing. It is receiving the Purple Heart, and being a returning veteran.

Narcissus ➳

The parents of Narcissus were told that he would live to an old age if he never saw his own image. He rejected all the women who fell in love with him, including the nymph, Echo, who was so upset in being jilted that she became depressed, and finally so melancholic, isolated and lonely that all that was left of her was a whisper. Her prayers were heard by the goddess Nemesis who caused Narcissus to fall in love with his own reflection, gazing on it until he died.

He is the worst in men and their instincts of self-preservation and survival, as well as likely the instinctual ignorance of the "one, special sweetheart," when in fact, the most raw masculine instincts sexually, are said to pursue many women over the lifetime. For a man to achieve a monogamous, lasting romance, he must shed this instinctual tendency, keeping it at bay.

Hephaestus ➳

All good things in life come with effort, and the man’s satisfaction and boost of masculinity he feels comes in part by way of yet another Greek god-based instinct in him: the Hephaestus Instinct – god of “a job well done,” or “honest work,” or the “blue collar work ethic”, which drives the male need for “meaningful work.” (Hephaestus was the actual husband of Aphrodite, on whom she cheated with Ares.) He is the male instinct for working hard, but also outrage at being cheated upon while working hard.

Adonis ➳

Adonis is traditionally the god of "good looks" in men, but in Romantic Dynamics, it refers also to the charm and enjoyment of "the boy in the man" - meaning a youthful, playful attitude, not just good looks.

Dionysus ➳

Dionysus is the god of the grape harvest, winemaking and wine, of ritual madness, fertility, and theatre. He is a god of epiphany, "the god that comes", and his "foreignness" as an arriving outsider. He is the only god born from a mortal mother, and his festivals were the driving force behind the development of Greek theatre. His Roman name was, Bacchus, origin of the word, "bacchanalia," or a grandiose celebration, and so he represents the instinct for passion in males, at being recipients of good fortune and unanticipated discovery, the thrill for men, of being the "new kid on the block," and throwing one's self into social randomness, to discover in fortunate accidents, that it really is true: "The world is your oyster." His is the power of the masculine instincts to rise in social standing through being "the life of the party," and "master of ceremonies."

Achilles ➳

The Achilles Instinct in men is then, the power and passion of knowing one's own weakness, even major handicaps, and developing strategies that capitalize on strengths, so as to make one's weaknesses relatively irrelevant. He is also the instinct in men that can turn enemies to friends. Achilles is also the instinct in men, not to be distracted from one's mission, to not give in to the Siren-like machinations of a female opponent, and to always place one's own mission above mere beauty and flirtation.

RETURN TO THE GENDER INSTINCTS ➳

A source of energy in males which is the equivalent of passion or "life force," and which is more than just a "style" of behavior. It is inborn, an instinct, not learned. It is the same as "passion," but not in any vague sense of the word.

Masculinity is male passion specifically coded as an inborn set of instincts that unconsciously guide those who have it, to successfully reproduce, and to survive in general, with specific instincts that feed the male soul and are attuned to its identity.

Romantic Dynamics extends these two genetic prime directives into the modern day context to mean, "automatic romantic instincts of sexual attraction," and gender-based instincts that when seen in unconscious, automatic behaviors, lead the individual to feel immediately "more alive," excited, "full of life," (as seen in modern consumer purchasing behavior.)

This is not to say that one's sense of "spiritual purpose" is left out of the experience of masculinity. It is simultaneously logical to conclude that the two Darwinian/Freudian scientific principles above, govern it, but masculinity also gives a person possessing it, a core feature of the "sense of self," or identity.

In spiritual terms, it is the "god principle within." So, masculinity is revealed in its subtleties in the form of the instincts of the gods in the ancient myths and Greek plays.

It is very energetic and is amplified by some very specific things like ownership of resources, education and technology, privacy, leadership, fighting and winning, and rather than an “inner giving birth to,” an “outer creativity” that centers on the targeted goal-seeking that men tend to call “having a mission” - all gender instincts highlighted by stories of the Greek gods.

It is the opposite of drawing on sociology or the mere "opinion" of others, "gender-roles" that can shift or change, and it has synonyms in instinct, passion, and sexiness.

It doesn't matter if it is felt by those who are attracted to the same gender or opposite gender, so long as one's core identity identifies with it.

Then, in purely romantic terms, when it is expressed to others with femininity or a feminine identity, it amplifies that identity in them, and sexually attracts them in so doing.

Likewise, when expressed to those who also have masculinity, it amplifies itself in them through gender-affinity based friendship and collegiality that one could call "brotherhood," or a profoundly deep automatic, instinctual friendship felt by kin.

Expressing masculinity makes one more powerful and alive, then, while also making the recipient more powerful and alive.

Masochism is the destructive, "win/lose" form of anxiety, applied in emotional action. In Romantic Dynamics, it is considered "better" or more promoting of growth than the passivity of addiction. However, it is defined as dumping one's anxiety on another person, through guilt or what has been called, "Passive-aggressiveness," which does offer a "quick-fix" for eliminating the negative energy of anxiety (someone else gets to absorb it.) However, as we know from the laws of thermodynamics, this does not harvest the energy and power of anxiety for any good purpose. It just wastes it, so that the individual does feel temporarily better. Yet, the sources of the anxiety in the first place may then continue, spawning new anxiety, "making a mountain out of a mole-hill," or seeing a "tempest in a teapot," if one does not learn to channel the anxiety into courage, instead.

Courage is "win/win" and constructive, transforming anxiety into confidence, through facing one's fears. Masochism usually causes a backlash from the environment, socially, perhaps legally or financially too. People don't like to be guilted, even if they had something to do with your anxiety. After anxiety and loss or grief get into you, it actually does belong to you. Both are forms of active use of anxiety, which carries with it, the destructive decision to guilt others.

Our decisions are guided and fed by stores of conscience and intuition that are built over a lifetime of decisions, and so the more decisions you make, the more conscience and intuition you build, for making better, more high character decisions in the future, which lead to more success - a crucial element in successful partnership.

Masochism causes us to fall deeper into anxiety emotions via the processes of "poor me" thinking, passive-aggressiveness, and general worry - where we dispel our anxiety by dumping it onto others (causing them a sense of guilt, regret or grief or loss of their own.) This causes them to lash back in further guilting in return, harming us back, with more grief and loss. And so it is a Faustian deal to use masochism, because the temporary reprieve from anxiety causes us even more grief and loss, then more anxiety, then more masochism in both directions - the "worry process" continues. One may then say that masochism is the "Mammalian Brain" mode of expressing anxiety, because it goes hand in hand with the emotions of sadness or depression. It is a means of guaranteeing temporary survival without us having to do actual work. This also links us over to the Anger Map, whose "mammalian brain" option is that of sadness, depression and suffering - all states of being that have also been associated with masochism.

However, we get a benefit from masochism. The lessons learned from the destructive, "win/lose" interactions with others cause us to gain in conscience (ethics) and intuition (shrewdness), the first, telling us that our actions are wrong and destructive for hurting others, and the latter telling us that our actions and choice of environment tends to be wrongful and destructive back toward US. That we should avoid such environments in the future.

The role of the personal boundary also comes into play when we are addressing destructive decisions, because boundary holes in it allow us to be "blind" to our overreach, invasion of the rights and privacy of others, and in some cases, because of these holes, we may be "unwittingly masochistic" toward others, doing them harm, "guilting" them without our knowledge. And so this kind of anxiety expression is highlighted for us when we get feedback from others and the environment that we have done them destructive harm.

Boundary holes are also places that we tend to engage in "suffering," which is to burn energy, time or other resources (like the energy of anxiety), on things in life that we cannot control (like other people.)  As a result, masochism is certainly defined as a form of suffering, burning our resources trying to make others do what we want by guilting them, or wishing the environment to work the way we want, but nevertheless, not bending to our will. Masochism has a great deal of "wishful thinking" to it.

Derivative forms of aggression based on the past (revenge) or the future (jealousy) are also forms of suffering. In suffering, we wish that we could control our world with just our emotions, rather than building a real and practical strategy using the intellectual aspects of character maturity.

Being a good lover, a friend and a partner requires the opposite of pathological narcissism. It requires virtue and maturity of character.

These social habits are seen in emotionally healthy adults and are considered psychologically mature, well-developed, and may be considered to be, to use the very recent catch-phrase, “emotionally intelligent.”

However, you might also notice these to be higher level, more constructive variations of those defenses that we have used in less mature days.  The development of a specific individual parallels the evolution of that of the average person, with a similarity of form between stages of growth, but improved, more constructive, mature function.

The mature defenses not only secure more stable social connections and durable relationships, but there is more enduring pleasure, happiness and feelings of control.

That very statement may sound contradictory to you because of what we have learned about boundaries, but consider something:

The boundary marks what we currently do not control from what we do. However, it does not limit increased control of the world around us in the future. That very action is the whole point of why we set goals and pursue success in reaching them. It is real control over the world around us when we reach goals, since we own the results, and have done the real work of making success happen.  As in the diagram we have covered before, once you reach a goal, it isn’t called a goal anymore. It is called an accomplishment, and an accomplishment is now part of us, in our control.

If the mature defenses are about solid, mature boundaries, both inner (the ego boundary between the instincts and the conscious self) and outer (the personal boundary), then we are most equipped with these mature defenses to be a success.

With more mature automatic social habits come more mature, lasting results, technically, “higher character,” and therefore we see yet another direct reflection of why Freud quoted philosopher Epictetus as saying, “Character is Destiny.” We usually think of “Destiny” as pertaining to success in reaching our goals - to win the Olympics, to play piano in Carnegie Hall, to be President some day. We think of these things as our “destiny,” when they are really, wished-for goals. Goals that will rely on our character, and therefore our level of maturity of the Ego Defenses.

These defenses help to integrate conflicting emotions and thoughts, without having to bury, hide, or send either to the unconscious, separate from the other. Yet, they allow us to still remain personally, socially and professionally effective.

It has been said that mental health is “the capacity to hold two contradictory thoughts in mind at the same time.”  This could be extended to the concept of being able to hold both difficult emotion and ideas in the conscious mind at the same time, and work with them to a solution. In fact, similar to the works of the Positive Psychologists of the past several decades, those of us who use these mature defense mechanisms are usually considered to have “virtue” or be “virtuous,” very valuable terms for our next step of intellectual attraction, where we find compatibility between our own character virtues and those of a mate.

We have reached the pinnacle of the first step of intellectual attraction and commitment, where our understanding and mastery of boundaries has led us to the most mature, constructive and virtuous social habits with others, essentially the Virtues discussed by the ancient philosophers. They will cause a person to participate quite adequately or even masterfully in the Four Skills of Commitment and to make adjustments in the Four Commonalities of Commitment seen in intellectual attraction.

Common Mature Defense Mechanisms

Acceptance ➳

Many of us have heard of the “5 stages of grief”: the process where denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance help us get over a major loss, such as that of a person from our lives. The final resting point where stability is regained is considered to be acceptance, a condition of equanimity and peace, and if you consider it in terms of solid boundaries, a person who has a solid boundary without a lot of holes to suffer through, or a complete understanding of what one controls from what they do not.

Altruism ➳

Altruism is another virtue we all tend to be taught in school and in religious training. To give alms to the poor, or a tithe, or to share with other children in kindergarten makes sense to teach, but why?

The Evolutionary Psychologists point us toward the concept of kinship and reciprocal altruism among animals, and especially, mammals, where we find an evolutionary advantage in occasionally sharing our resources with other members of the species, especially coming from a point of excess resources. It is simple logic, that to avoid being what they call a free rider on the population, we need to occasionally give, as one invests in a “social bank account,” because there will likely come a time when we need to withdraw from that bank account.

Anticipation ➳

There is a great deal of sound financial advice out there for the young starting out in the workforce. The “Millionaire Calculator” at timevalue.com estimates that if at a 2.3% return rate and 25% income tax rate, you were to save about 2000$/month for the next 30 years, you would have a million dollars.

Taking this idea of altruism further in its financial implications, we consider the role of having a view to the future as a mature defense mechanism and virtue of character. In terms of boundaries, you might see it as an extension of the knowledge of what we currently control and don’t control about life.

Courage ➳

Courage as an ego defense shows us something more than just a mature level of development. As you have seen in the Rescue Map of Anxiety we learned about in the emotional attraction of the mammalian brain, it is an instrumental skill for transforming one of the two most prevalent negative emotions - anxiety - into a positive, and is really the only route to self-generating that part of self-esteem we call confidence.

Forgiveness ➳

One of the hardest virtues of all to practice when one has been hurt by divorce, or emotionally abused, insulted or offended by one so close to them. This semi-conscious tendency to see that harboring revenge is a win/lose proposition, and that there comes a time to let go of resentment, indignation or anger is the only way to thrive in the real world of mistakes that people make, including ourselves. We all have limited resources to make use of in pursuing our life’s goals together (or apart), and with that in mind, we cannot afford to harbor negative spending of our energy on the selfishness of seeking the gratification of revenge. We need to let go of the need for retribution or restitution so that we can reinvest our psychological resources either in the relationship, or in ourselves. Ask anyone who has ever gone to court how they feel about the time, energy and money they have spent in fighting an ex, versus what they could have done with all that value.

Emotional Self-regulation ➳

This defense really shouldn’t be called a defense at all. It’s a strength, it’s common sense, and a virtue.  If there is any reflection of the direct connection between the defenses and one’s personal boundary function, this one is the best of the best as an example.

Emotional Self-sufficiency ➳

This virtue of character and mature defense mechanism has, as its basis, not being dependent on the validation or approval of others. As such, you might consider it “self-love” or “self-respect.”

Gratitude ➳

One of the hardest virtues of all to practice when one has been hurt by divorce, or emotionally abused, insulted or offended by one so close to them. This semi-conscious tendency to see that harboring revenge is a win/lose proposition, and that there comes a time to let go of resentment, indignation or anger is the only way to thrive in the real world of mistakes that people make, including ourselves. We all have limited resources to make use of in pursuing our life’s goals together (or apart), and with that in mind, we cannot afford to harbor negative spending of our energy on the selfishness of seeking the gratification of revenge. We need to let go of the need for retribution or restitution so that we can reinvest our psychological resources either in the relationship, or in ourselves. Ask anyone who has ever gone to court how they feel about the time, energy and money they have spent in fighting an ex, versus what they could have done with all that value.

Humility ➳

While nobody is perfect, and nobody has a flawless record in their relationships, it is all the more important to imagine being with a partner who has a humble rather than aggrandized self-opinion. If it is success at our goals that we seek, but we find ourselves with a partner (or being the partner) who has an expanded sense of self, that will prove more costly to us both to maintain and feed with the limited resources we have.

Humor ➳

It was said that the German Philosopher and writer, Goethe, had three rules to follow in throwing a dinner party, something he loved to do often in his intellectual salons that he would put on.

Mature Identification ➳

On the surface, you might think the unconscious modeling of one's own identity on another person's character and behavior to be more on the immature side, and based in too much of what the Self Psychologists have called “false self.” However, when done in small amounts, for example, in having heroes even into mature, adult life, or in a deep bonding of the shared identity between two mature partners at that “mandorla” intersection of their boundaries, you might also see how identification can also be a natural, mature, higher level feature of being human.

Mercy ➳

You have certainly heard the phrase that “Absolute power corrupts, absolutely.” Well, only for those with weaknesses of character and the incipient lack of mercy for others. This may draw from the concept that no human being is entirely free of narcissism, the tendency to be selfish, self-centered, to lack empathy for others, to cross the boundaries of others and to be occasionally win/lose in our social transactions with others.

Mindfulness ➳

The obvious connection to the psychological trait of Observing Ego skill is here, in mindfulness as a virtue, a character trait, and a mature ego defense.  It is coming from a present moment perspective in time, a capacity for curiosity, and acceptance of the reality that we all have growing to do. It is nearly identical to Observing Ego in these features.

Moderation ➳

The ability to avoid extremes of behavior and modulate our own behavior within reasonable limits is essential, as we have said. This also extends to the ability to interpret the threats and stresses which come our way too, to see them as something that will worsen at times and eventually improve on their own, or with our intervention. We will also see that Aristotle’s “Golden Mean” of virtue has much to do with this crucial ego defense.

Patience ➳

We have said that patience may be a feature of the “inner boundary” we have been learning about - the “Ego Boundary” as I have called it - that which blocks or allows material from the unconscious instincts and drives to enter the conscious mind (whether or not having done that, your “outer boundary,” the Personal Boundary allows the impulse to be publicly expressed is a second matter.

Respect ➳

Respect is a clear feature of our outer, Personal Boundary. Through seeing where we end and others begin, where our responsibility and ownership of resources ends and that of others begins, and where our control ends especially, and that of others begins forms the essence of respect. We have to respect the impossibility of controlling what belongs to others.

Sublimation ➳

Sublimation we have covered by example. It is a high skill and trait in which one properly transforms the passionate instincts, through the emotions, into the conscious, higher brained actions of assertiveness and courage toward specific goals.

Suppression ➳

Suppression gives us the conscious decision to delay dealing with our emotions or destructive things in our lives,  so that we may deal with the present things we need to get done to survive, to maintain stability, and to rework our strategy at life’s goals as a successful couple. It is reminiscent of the 1990s action films where the main character would often say, “I ain’t got time to bleed.”

Tolerance ➳

Tolerance is simple - allowing that of which one disapproves, which is the ultimate in respect for what boundaries even are - that we don’t own or control the opinions or perspectives of others.

Return to the FOUR LEVELS OF EGO DEFENSES ➳

See the Primitive Ego Defenses, Immature Ego Defenses, Neurotic Ego Defenses, and Mature Ego Defenses.

On the surface, you might think the unconscious modeling of one's own identity on another person's character and behavior to be more on the immature side, and based in too much of what the Self Psychologists have called “false self.” However, when done in small amounts, for example, in having heroes even into mature, adult life, or in a deep bonding of the shared identity between two mature partners at that “mandorla” intersection of their boundaries, you might also see how identification can also be a natural, mature, higher level feature of being human.

Again, we are reminded of some of the basics of what you can call, “high character,” or “maturity.” That which includes strong, mutually respectful boundaries, and so knows the limits of which one owns and is capable of or responsible for, which has curiosity and self-observation, certainly that which is constructive and win/win in decision-making, yet also is characterized by patience and in the Aristotelian sense, is balanced - neither too much of one thing, nor too much of its opposite. This latter feature of character maturity is what I would like to call our attention to with identification.

We underline the notion, then, that in small amounts, identification with noble people, our heroes, our partner, our beloved parent, and best friends allows us to grow both in maturity of character, but also in a way which affords kinship and even compatibility with those same people. You may have heard of the saying, “You become the company you keep,” or “Birds of a feather, flock together.” These are attestations to kinship and the unavoidable and often positive outcome of identification happening in our lives, when we spend time with those whom we ought to strive to be a bit more similar to.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

One of the 4 traits that make a person successful, coming from both an inborn and cultivated gift, and one of the 4 needed Commonalities of Commitment in a mate one seeks for long term romance.

Maturity is discussed throughout Romantic Dynamics, and can be described in various ways:

• The relative absence of pathological narcissism, its opposite, which is a form of selfish immaturity.
• Having what has been called, "high character," a set of the Virtues known to the philosophers, forms of "goodness" in a person, which is similar to the ideas from Game Theory of Economics, of being largely, a "constructive" person, whose actions are "win/win" in nature.
• Having a host of virtues more than of vices, the more "destructive" person with immature, "win/lose" actions.

You might have found at some point, that with age and experience, you had learned lessons in past attempts and failures at the task, and at the time, you felt overwhelmed, or too focused on just one aspect of it or another, causing it to flounder. Or you chose the wrong people to involve in it or assist you, such as many entrepreneurs find in their early careers. You also may not have had the discipline or resolve. But years later, you had more of an even-handed and even-minded approach to it, and were a better judge of collaborators, supporters, and partners, then saw your dream start to realize closer than ever before. You had grown some maturity along the way, whose balance" and discipline, and fairness toward other people really expanded your success. We don't fare well with a partner with whom we have very divergent maturity levels, which is like not having a partner at all.

There are also a host of ways that maturity leads us to success. For one, it comes from a place of "balance" of our psychological resources. It also follows that the concept from Aristotle of the Golden Mean - that for every human virtue, there happen to be TWO vices - one of an excess of the virtue, and one of a deficit of the virtue - the latter causing us to go astray, and fall into "failure." The balance within one's maturity in terms of the Golden Mean then, naturally spurs us on to success with whatever amount of psychological resources we have to work with.

Maturity is then one of the 4 Cardinal Traits of Success - Intelligence, Maturity, Beliefs and Goals - that we need to find in a lasting mate and partner.

BACK TO CARDINAL TRAITS OF SUCCESS.

Unlike Propaganda or Tyranny, which are vices about abusiveness to a partner, Meddling is a character "vice of excess" that sees the partner actually pretending and claiming to be responsible through moral enforcement activity, when in fact, their activity is just activity, self-centered, and to the ignorance of the other partner's rights and boundaries. Then we may use phrases describing this effect as "being steam-rolled" by the partner, or even "gaslighted," made to feel as if we are in the moral wrong, when it is really the partner being such.

In being unjust as a "meddling" partner, such a person is pursuing their own life's goals - their "mission in life" or "purpose in life" to the neglect of that of the other. It is unfair and unjust, causing the other to feel pushed or bullied into "getting with the program" underneath the false pretense of being aligned toward joint goals.

People are usually meddling unconsciously, in the codependent personal boundary state, possibly using the most primitive and childish Ego Defense of all, called, "Denial" - which is like "being caught red-handed" and refusing responsibility for one's own actions, or the defense, "Rationalization" to make intelligent-sounding justifications for why they are steam-rolling their partner or revising history (Learning about the Ego Defenses, you will find them to be a handy, objective measure of a personal character maturity level.)

It is pathologically narcissistic to meddle with the goals of a partner, or to make up one's own laws, limits and policies regarding the relationship from an autistic, "bully pulpit" of destructiveness, "win/lose" behavior pretending (even to one's self) as if they are actually participating in the relationship as a real partner.

The other vice of Justice as a virtue is called, "Negligence," where a person passively pretends to be a partner, while pursuing their own agenda.

As a vice which makes partnership within relationships fail to get to goals, and intellectually unattractive, consider Meddling to be negative in many ways, including in sexual attraction, since it actually depletes the reserves of one's own, or the other partner's masculinity or femininity by tricking them with the guise of teamwork, yet is secretly ignoring their partner's personal dreams that empower the passions, making both partners less attractive, and feeling less attracted back.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

The Medusa Instinct is that of righteous indignation in women. Just because it cannot last indefinitely, or risk being outcast from society, does not mean that it has no useful role or task to take on. There are times to fight back with an enemy to their destruction, but the time will come when we ought to let go of our past conflicts and differences. The goal of defeating, or at least escaping the grasp of grudges that we cannot let go, is a vitality in itself, the letting go of the transgressions of others. To be able to forgive is a source of new life for us all.

Medusa was a fair maiden who was abducted and raped by Poseidon in the temple of Athena, and not even the goddess of war heard her cries for help. Now shattered from the assault, she cried out again to Athena, why she had forsaken her. The goddess finally responded by giving her hair made of snakes, to turn any man to stone who dared to gaze in her eyes. As you could imagine, anyone who wandered along the path of her stare could unjustly be rendered a statue for eternity.

Medusa was originally a ravishingly beautiful maiden, sought by many men, but because Poseidon had raped her in Athena's temple, the insulted at the desecration that Athena transformed Medusa's beautiful hair to serpents and made her face so terrible that the sight of it would turn onlookers to stone. The punishment is on both perpetrator and victim, but Medusa is imbued with incredible power by receiving it. However, like any monster myth, it is representative of the temporary and fragile power of pathological narcissism.

Medusa was beheaded by the hero, Perseus, who was sent to obtain her head as a required gift to King Polydectes, who wanted to marry the mother of Perseus. This hero received a mirrored shield from Athena, gold, winged sandals from Hermes, a sword from Hephaestus and Hades's cloak of invisibility. Perseus was able to slay Medusa while looking at the reflection from the mirrored shield he had received from Athena. This is symbolic of the curative powers of having a solid personal boundary against narcissism.

The Medusa Instinct takes the energy of hurt in one's past, and turns it into the power of a lesson learned, and the justice of never making the mistake of losing one's dignity again.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS

Unlike Tyrrany or Usurpation, which are vices about a takeover of the resources of your partner, Mercenary behavior is a character "vice of deficit" that sees the partner actually taking from each other in plain sight.

In being unjust as a partner in contributing to achieving a goal, the mercenary partner is pursuing their own life's goals - their "mission in life" or "purpose in life" to the direct psychological impoverishment of the other partner. It is unfair and unjust, bold enough to declare a direct contradiction of legitimately having joint goals.

People are often being mercenary unconsciously, and so when their behavior is pointed out to them, they are offended that what seems a fair deal to them is unappreciated. They use an Immature Ego Defense, called, "Rationalization" - which is like "always having an excuse" and refusing responsibility or understanding of one's own actions, always blaming someone else or something else for our moral shortfalls. (Learning about the Ego Defenses, you will find them to be a handy, objective measure of a personal character maturity level.)

It is pathologically narcissistic to be mercenary, of course, given that it produces destructiveness, a "win/lose" behavior - causing "cheating," all the while pretending (even to one's self) as if they are actually participating in the relationship as a real partner.

The other vice of Service as a virtue is called, "Martyrdom," where a person "plays the victim," boldly and ignorantly attempting to define and constantly redefine what is just (and employing the Defense Mechanism of Denial as their strategy for constantly revising what is "fair" between them.

Someone who is romantically mercenary is a thief, directly countering the goals and dreams of a mate, by robbing them of resources in a deal which only looks on the surface to be fair.

As a vice which makes partnership within relationships fail to get to goals, and intellectually unattractive, consider Mercenary behavior to be negative in many ways, including in sexual attraction, since it actually depletes the reserves of one's own, or the other partner's masculinity or femininity.

RETURN TO CHARACTER COMPATIBILITY

You have certainly heard the phrase that “Absolute power corrupts, absolutely.” Well, only for those with weaknesses of character and the incipient lack of mercy for others. This may draw from the concept that no human being is entirely free of narcissism, the tendency to be selfish, self-centered, to lack empathy for others, to cross the boundaries of others and to be occasionally win/lose in our social transactions with others.

One central tenet of the very notion of Romantic Dynamics is that we may embark on a journey of personal growth by way of our romances. In fact, many a psychologist or psychoanalyst may argue that it is precisely by way of “bumping into the psychology of others” that we learn lessons and grow psychologically and spiritually.

This would certainly be true of the nature of personal boundaries; for, without the impact of those invisible parts of ourselves, the boundaries, we cannot literally experience where our psychology ends and that of someone else begins. We cannot see our impact on the lives of others, both constructive and destructive, nor can we grow in our storehouse of conscience through the guilt caused us in seeing the suffering we have caused others, nor the growth of intuition we acquire by way of the suffering we endure on account of destructive environments that we find ourselves in. This is all because of the useful knowledge and experience we get through interactions with others.

With mercy as a virtue or defense, we may find ourselves with a large power differential over others, over our partner. While circumstances in life change - one of us gets fired and the other does not. She has a miscarriage, and her identity is harmed by life. He falls into financial hard times, and his identity is injured. In those times we may feel weaker than we ever had - depleted of the passion and vitality that masculinity and femininity give us.  Out partner at those times may feel, and be very powerful in comparison to our own, and may lose sight of the bigger picture of life’s timeline, the ebb and flow of power and passion, and may lose perspective in our temporary lack of attractiveness while they feel a temporary lack of attractedness to us.

It is a time that calls for mercy on their part. Patience and perspective in their boundary and their Observing Ego, gratitude for how well we have treated them in the past - our reciprocal altruism - and just the nature of their virtue and goodness in general will hopefully carry mercy with those things. And they will treat us fairly, knowing that it is human to lose attraction for us in our time of weakness, but knowing that someday we will be strong again, and that they can be a part of our reemergence, at least through their encouragement of our level of masculinity and femininity.

In a partner, you will certainly need to look for and appreciate the presence of mercy if you are to last through the ebb and flow of power in a couple.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

The obvious connection to the psychological trait of Observing Ego skill is here, in mindfulness as a virtue, a character trait, and a mature ego defense.  It is coming from a present moment perspective in time, a capacity for curiosity, and acceptance of the reality that we all have growing to do. It is nearly identical to Observing Ego in these features.

When we consider those aspects of being in any long term commitment, that there is imbalance that we can correct back to balance, the ebb and flow of power within the couple, the times of trouble in which, “This too, shall pass,” and the times of happiness which will surely fade a bit before returning cyclically back to happiness - the “watcher” of our own story, being witness to the life of our beloved partner, and the ability to be the narrator of our own life and of our relationship is essential to retain perspective that we will need in strategically charting our course to any lifetime goals as individuals and as a couple.

This virtue, this mature defense mechanism, built of Observing Ego, will be sorely needed.

If you have ever been with an uncurious person, or someone who only lives in the moment and without perspective on there being a shared past in which we invested in each other, or a future that we have the power to chart a course to, then you know the great loneliness of love in a relationship that cannot be what you need.

Seek a mindful person as a partner.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

A term for "Life's Goals" most used by a man to denote what gives him an increased passion for life (masculinity) and most often is seen in his career goals and progress, as well as building the legacy to the next generation he wants to leave behind when he's gone.

Usually for men or those who are masculine, this special, life-long goal is a profound one for a person. It springs from their very identity, and is sufficient to see a person through, all the way to their goals. And even through great trouble, conflict or crisis. This is one of those unique features of psychology that plays into both sexual attraction, by way of femininity, and intellectual attraction, by way of being a partner with a major goal. It guarantees that both kinds of attraction are tied together.

The three factors involved with making sure a life's mission is achievable or not, rest in:

• Being naturally good at something.
• Enjoying what that something is, taking pleasure.
• What a person's life goals are in how they may benefit society (altruism.)

When one is on their "mission in life," they have found the perfect, perhaps singular, life's goal for them - one that capitalizes on all their strengths psychologically, their beliefs and values, and since this term often is used by men, as opposed to the more common, "purpose in life" used by women, the "mission" also amplifies the man's masculinity, just by striving for it, let alone meeting the goal.

This feature of personal growth cannot be done without in a romance either, because it will be an enduring source of masculinity for the man, from which he may impassion the women and amplify her femininity by way of the steps of sexual attraction.

One should never align with a partner, for whom one must sacrifice or in any way take away from the mission in life. If that is required, it is the ultimate deal-breaker on the relationship, and essentially guarantees the demise of the relationship.

The ability to avoid extremes of behavior and modulate our own behavior within reasonable limits is essential, as we have said. This also extends to the ability to interpret the threats and stresses which come our way too, to see them as something that will worsen at times and eventually improve on their own, or with our intervention. We will also see that Aristotle’s “Golden Mean” of virtue has much to do with this crucial ego defense.

As we have said, good boundaries are always involved in mature ego defenses, and this is no exception. The self-restraint which we employ on our own drives, instincts, passions, emotions and behavior will help us navigate a diplomatic and courteous treatment of others, and of ourselves.

When we first meet a person, it is the vitality of passion which attracts us in their level of expressed masculinity or femininity. Since we are focused much on this at first, it may charm us, enthrall us, and cause us to be swept up in the moment with the person. However, if we find that they lack moderation, and are a generally outwardly, passionately expressive person most of the time, we may tire of the energy which it takes to keep up with this person. We may find that what was once charming and attractive, is later exhausting and draining of our own passions, derailing use as individuals and as a couple toward the goals we seek to successfully reach.

And so in finding a passionate partner early in courtship, be sure to check for the ability to be moderate too, because later on, you will discover that moderation does allow the selective expression of passion when it is called for, but equanimity at other times, when it is called for.

GO BACK TO MATURE DEFENSE MECHANISMS.

The Muses of ancient Greece were often described as being inspirational to men in their artistic pursuits, but what would it have been like to BE a Muse? Or to have the gift of art and creation? To be one for one's self, to be one's OWN Muse? The Muse Instinct is the equivalent of the male, Dionysus Instinct combined with the Apollo Instinct - a woman's creative gifts. Yet, if we were to seek romance, what would it also be like, as a secondary effect, to have a gift for inspiring others, through our art? To maximize that inspirational, impassioning appeal to a romantic interest, even if we were the master artist to their aspiring one?

The Muses are the inspirational goddesses of literature, science, and the arts in Greek mythology, like the male, Apollo. They were considered the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, lyric songs, and myths that were related orally for centuries in these ancient cultures.

In current English usage, "muse" can refer in general to a person who inspires an artist, musician, or writer.

The Muses were both the embodiments and sponsors of performed speech, with "music-like" qualities. Others included Science, Geography, Mathematics, Philosophy, and especially Art, Drama, and inspiration. In the archaic period, before the widespread availability of books, this included nearly all of learning.

The  Muses were "the key to the good life"; since they brought both prosperity and friendship. And so the Muse Instinct is the "richness of art and education" that a woman brings to her own life and that of others, including her romantic interest.

RETURN TO THE FEMININE INSTINCTS